- Della Rogers: Don't be running away when I'm trying to talk to you! Now, Move that car, man!
- Ed Brown: I'll move it when I'm good and ready! And right now I'm not even ready to get ready!
- Della Rogers: Don't you play possum with me, Ed Brown. I teach possums how to play possum. You've got me over a barrel and you know it.
- Ed Brown: [to Della] How dare you take a decent, God fearing garage and turn it into a massage parlor! Is this your idea of helping your fellow man?
- Chico Rodriguez: Well, I know some fellow men who are going to enjoy it.
- Mexican Construction Worker: [Coming out of the Restroom with wet hands lifted] Hey man! Where are the paper towels?
- Ed Brown: Paper towels. In the supermarket. Two blocks away. Third aisle on the right.
- Chico Rodriguez: Ed was a war hero. He won the Purple Heart.
- Della Rogers: What for? Cutting his lip with his sharp tongue?
- Ed Brown: She's the chocolate chip Barbara Walters.
- Louie Wilson: She was talking to one of her drivers, you vanilla wafer!
- Ed Brown: [Talking to Della] When I first met you, you were a nice, sweet little girl with pigtails. Now look at you! A bull dozer in a recap girdle!
- Ed Brown: [Ed is taking a shot of bourbon] Ah, That woman's gonna drive me to an early grave.
- Chico Rodriguez: Yeah, Unless that beats her to it.
- Ed Brown: At least I'll go with a smile on my face.
- Chico Rodriguez: And a hole in your liver.
- Ed Brown: I'll wear a long coat, so it doesn't show.
- Ed Brown: [Tipping his hat] Oh, Good afternoon, Ms. Rogers.
- Della Rogers: Don't "Good afternoon" me, Honkey.
- Della Rogers: [to Chico about Ed] You see, That man isn't happy about ANYTHING unless he's mad about SOMETHING.