Brian O'Halloran: Dante Hicks

Quotes 

• Judge Reinhold : Has the jury reached a verdict?

  Reggie Miller : Yes. In the case of Jay vs. Dante Hicks, we find in favor of... Randal, the best lawyer in the world and give him 10 million dollars.

  Dante Hicks : I'm Dante and I'm the biggest idiot ever.

  Randal Graves : [after he wakes up from his dream]  I have to put that one in my dream journal.

• Randal Graves : Show us on the doll where they touched you.

  Dante Hicks : Nobody touched me.

  Randal Graves : Who was it? There's no more running from your past. Who touched you?

  Dante Hicks : I hate you.

• [following a long series of dream sequences] 

  Randal Graves : Hey wait. Are you the biggest idiot ever?

  Dante Hicks : No, you are.

  Randal Graves : Okay, then, this isn't a dream.

• [Randal is going to defend Dante at his trial] 

  Dante Hicks : What are you doing? You're gonna get us both sent to jail!

  Randal Graves : In Virginia, anyone who passes the bar can be a lawyer.

  Dante Hicks : You haven't passed the bar! And this isn't Virginia!

  Randal Graves : They don't know that!

  Lawyer : Your Honor, may I point out that this man is not a lawyer, and we are relatively sure this is not Virginia.

  Randal Graves : Your Honor, may *I* point out that I've seen all of your movies, including "Zandalee" and "Vice Versa."

  Judge Reinhold : I'm going to allow it.

• Randal Graves : The defense now calls Steven Spielberg.

  Lawyer : Your honor, what is the point of this?

  Dante Hicks : I agree.

  Randal Graves : Your honor, you've also never been in a Spielberg movie.

  Judge Reinhold : I was in Gremlins.

  Randal Graves : But not Gremlins 2.

  Judge Reinhold : You're right. I'm going to allow it.

  Randal Graves : Man, what was the deal with Hook? I want my 8 bucks back.

  Randal Graves : [Joel Schumacher is on the stand in his batsuit]  Man, Batman & Robin was so gay.

  [Spike Lee and Woody Allen give Randal his money back] 

  Randal Graves : The defense rests, your honor.

  Dante Hicks : You're resting? How are we doing?

  Randal Graves : Great.

• Dante Hicks : You could never handle the Quickstop!

  Randal Graves : You could never handle RST!

  Doctor : And neither of you could handle a balloon angioplasty on a collapsed aorta!

• Lawyer : Here to question Mr. Hicks are two giggling girls.

  Girl : Okay. Do you, like, have a girlfriend?

  Dante Hicks : No, I don't have a girlfriend.

  Girl : Omigod, I told you.

• [Dante is on trial] 

  Randal Graves : Mr. Hicks, in sixth grade, did you or did you not urinate all over the boys' bathroom floor?

  Dante Hicks : That was you!

  Randal Graves : Yes or no!

  Dante Hicks : No!

  Randal Graves : I might remind you that you're under oath.

  Dante Hicks : No, it was you.

  Randal Graves : Your Honor, strike that from the record.

• Randal Graves : [Randal's opening argument to the all-black jury of NBA players]  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Dante Hicks is just like you. He lurves grape soda. He knows what it's like when the guy at the supermarket won't take your "food stamps". Or how it feels to wait all month for your "welfare check".

  [waving his arms from side to side] 

  Randal Graves : Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! Thank you.

  Honorable Judge Reinhold : Wow...

  Dante Hicks : Great... now the jury hates us.

  Randal Graves : Nonsense. I've got them eating out of my hand.

  [a basketball hits Dante in the face]