- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: You've probably got more stuff stuck in your lungs than the lint trap in my dryer.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: She tried to put a bathmat down on the bathroom floor with flowers on it.
- Coach Hayden Fox: What was there before?
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: Quincy.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I passed the pie shop on my way over here. You know, the one that's shaped like a giant pie.
- Ruthanne: But you were good?
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I just closed my eyes and kept on driving.
- Coach Hayden Fox: [reading the ingredients for Luther's fruit pie] Artificial flavoring, artificial coloring, propylene glycol?
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I think that's latin for apples.
- Ruthanne: I've been smoking for 30 years.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: Well, I've been eatin' for 60.