- [Kix is working under the sink with a wrench]
- Kix: See, the thing is Des, lead's very valuable 'cause it's heavy. You see, the heavier something is, the more valuable it is. The only exception to this rule is concrete.
- Brian Epstein: Starting first of June, 12 weeks, all right? Top of the bill, Lena Martell; Bimbo the Performing Dog; Zelda the Hypnotist...
- Michael White: What's he done?
- Brian Epstein: What's he done? He's done 12 weeks at Blackpool, that's all he's done. Alright, no, listen... compere-cum-comic, he doubles up, you win at both ends, Johnny Clamp, right? You can't go wrong. And the music, we've got a lovely little combo...
- [consults scrap of paper]
- Brian Epstein: called The Beatles. Right? There you go. Joan of Arc haircuts and rock n' roll, the kids love it.
- Michael White: What do they do?
- Brian Epstein: What do they do? About fifteen minutes, they're good for a fill, they're excellent.
- Michael White: Alright, I'll tell you what I'll do. Drop the hypnotist; I like Joan of Arc, I'll take the combo.
- Charles: [to Kurt] This is a copy of Alan's latest book. I think you're going to love it, Kurt. It's one hundred percent pure guaranteed filth, and I'm not just saying that.
- Jeremy: [on telephone] Look, I don't care if you're happily married and you've got four kids and you've emigrated to Australia. Why can't we just forget all that and start again, for God's sake!
- Charles: [to Alan] ... and do you know what he did then? He took an ordinary drinking straw, and cut a little nick, and put the straw into the nick and blew the whole thing up to the size of a balloon. And then he said, "D'you want to play pat-ball?"
- [Jeremy is furiously painting the lawn with a large paintbrush]
- Anne: Hey wow, that's crazy, what are you doing?
- Jeremy: Well it's pretty obvious, isn't it?
- Anne: Look, I know this may sound really crass, Jeremy, but I like you. You know, I like your style. I like your naked agression. I really like the way you don't sleep at night.
- Jeremy: [even more angrily] Well, people think it's easy to be a rebel. Well, it bloody isn't! People just write stroppy plays about me. God it makes me so mad!
- [Desmond and Eleanor are in bed. Desmond is frantically licking Eleanor's cheek and Eleanor is reading a magazine. Alan sits on the end of the bed]
- Alan: I don't think this sex thing is happening, Desmond. Eleanor looks bored.
- Desmond: Is she?
- Alan: Eleanor?
- Eleanor: What?
- Alan: When Desmond's doing that to you, does the earth move at all?
- Eleanor: [sighs] No, only the bed.