The Critic (TV Series)

All the Duke's Men (1995)

Jon Lovitz: Jay Sherman, Michael Dukakis

Quotes 

• Marty Sherman : But all they want to do is goof off and eat candy.

  Jay Sherman : Well, son, as President, you're above that.

  [remembers Ronald Reagan being sworn in] 

  Ronald Reagan : I do solemnly swear that as your President, I will goof off and eat candy.

  [falls asleep at podium] 

  Crowd : Four more years! Four more years!

• [Marty unveils his unfinished float for the homecoming parade which turns out to be the rear end of a horse] 

  Jay Sherman : It's a giant horse's ass!

  [to the audience] 

  Jay Sherman : You're watching Fox. Give us 10 minutes, we'll give you an ass.

• Jay Sherman : Now, let's take a look at the new musical from Francis Ford Coppola: Apocalypse Wow!

  Colonel Walter E. Kurtz : [singing]  Howdy Doo! I'm Colonel Kurtz. Fat and Bald like old Fred Murtz. Watch me do a Hula Dance. To shake the egg rolls from my pants

  [Performs a Hula dance as egg rolls fall from his pants] 

  Severed Heads on Implanted Spears : [singing]  He's not so bad, he's really just an odd man.

  Colonel Walter E. Kurtz : [singing]  And I've shaved my head like Dennis Rodman.

  Photojournalist : [singing]  He's a god, man!

  Duke Phillips : [Appearing in Apocalypse Wow]  Vote for Duke! Vote for Duke! Vote for Duke!... VOTE FOR DUKE!

  Jay Sherman : Get that off my show!

• Franklin : Son, I'm going to be Vice President. And I'm going to be honest with the American people. I am not going to wear this toupee anymore!

  [Rips the hair off the top of his scalp] 

  Jay Sherman : Dad, you don't wear a toupee.

  Franklin : I will from now on.

• Alice Thompkins : You want me to listen to my stomach?

  Jay Sherman : [chuckles]  No, silly, your heart.

  Jay's Stomach : Noone ever listens to me! Boohoo, hoo!