Dad's Army (TV Series)

The Deadly Attachment (1973)

Clive Dunn: LCpl. Jack Jones

Quotes 

• Jones : Sir? Now that the crisis is past could you ask Private Frazer to take his hand out of my trousers.

• U-Boat Captain : You, old man - you take off your belt and undo ze back of your tunic.

  Jones : I beg your pardon!

  U-Boat Captain : Do as I tell you - remove your belt. And just to make sure, captain, that your behaviour is correct, zis old man will march in front of me.

  [During this exchange, the U-Boat captain ties a piece of string to a hand grenade and then inserts it down the trousers of Lance Corporal Jones] 

  U-Boat Captain : And one false move from you, and I pull zee string!

  Jones : Oh, don't make any false moves, Mr Mainwaring. And don't make any real ones either!