- Lt. James Dempsey: Looks like a fancy schmancy doormat.
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: It's not meant for wiping your feet on, it's a prayer mat and it's made of silk.
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: Present.
- [hands Dempsey a book]
- Lt. James Dempsey: Oh, you shouldn't have.
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: You're going to do some, eh, quick cramming on the antique business.
- Lt. James Dempsey: Harry, I wouldn't know a chippendale from a chipmunk.
- Lt. James Dempsey: [Dempsey is playing a fey American art buyer] Oh! Look at this.
- [holds up a prayer mat]
- Lt. James Dempsey: Wouldn't this look divine in the john?
- Lt. James Dempsey: I'll tell ya something, the only difference between your scum and ours is that yours talk better. They sound intelligent. But low life is low life, I don't care what you dress em like.
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: Without low life, Dempsey, we'd be without jobs.
- Lt. James Dempsey: [gets into car] Hi there, miss, you always pick up strange men in the park?
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: No, only you. You're the only strange man I know.
- Lt. James Dempsey: Really? You're innocence turns me on.
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: You're lack of it turns me off.
- Scott: Don't go shooting your mouth off. And keep that stuff locked up until I tell you different.
- Mickey Bailey: Of course I will. What could I do with it? Play with it in the bath?
- Lt. James Dempsey: [Dempsey has just shielded Makepeace from a bomb explosion] Truth, Harry. Did the earth move?
- Chief Supt. Gordon Spikings: Oh Dempsey, you will ask him nicely, won't you? We don't want his reply from the hereafter.
- [Dempsey touches his breast and leaves]
- Chief Supt. Gordon Spikings: Was that a promise, or was he just checking his gun?
- Lt. James Dempsey: [addressing a punk youth with a pink Mohawk] What is with hair anyway, you swallow a grenade or something?
- Lt. James Dempsey: [Makepeace looks cross at Dempsey as he lights a cigar in a hospital waiting room] What do you want me to do, knit?
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: [shouting] Every time you're around, world war three explodes.
- Lt. James Dempsey: You wanna hear an explosion, lady?
- Nurse: Excuse me.
- Lt. James Dempsey: What? Sorry.
- Lt. James Dempsey: [a middle-aged, overweight man, wearing nothing but a towel, fires at Dempsey until his handgun empties. Dempsey approaches him, and puts his gun to the man's head] *This* one is loaded!
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: [the man raises his hands and the towel falls to the floor. Makepeace walks up the stairs and spots the man standing now naked in front of Dempsey]
- [ironically]
- Det. Sgt. Harry Makepeace: Am I interrupting something, Dempsey?