The Detectives (TV Series)

What the Butler Saw (1993)

Robert Powell: Dave Briggs

Photos 

Quotes 

• Superintendent Cottam : So you finally found the place then?

  Bob Louis : We had a bit of trouble, sir, it's Dave, he's not used to driving in the country.

  Dave Briggs : Oh yeah. When you said "second on the left after the post office" Mr Navigator here thought that included tiny little dirt tracks with great big signs saying "pick your own strawberries."

  Bob Louis : One wrong turn.

  Dave Briggs : Two.

  Bob Louis : It was your idea to drive across the potatoes.

  Dave Briggs : That was a shortcut.

  Bob Louis : Dave, you were ploughing up crops, we were being followed by seagulls.

  Dave Briggs : Next time we get called out to back of beyond, you can drive.

  Bob Louis : Right, we might get out of second gear then.

• Dave Briggs : So, let's start with you, Mr so-called Smith, where were you at ten past eight this evening?

  Mr Smith : Me? I was In my room.

  Dave Briggs : Oh yes? And what were you doing in this so-called room of yours?

  Mr Smith : Making love, Inspector.

  Bob Louis : What about you, Mrs Smith?

  Dave Briggs : So you say you were making love in your room. Do you have any witnesses?

  Mr Smith : Of course not!

  Dave Briggs : Ah! Do you really think you can make that stand up in court?

• Dave Briggs : Well, I think we can safely say, Bob, that things are beginning to fall into place.

  Bob Louis : [Approaches the chef]  Yes. It's starting to look like a very fishy murder.

  Dave Briggs : Yes "Murder" ugly word, isn't it? Like "adultery" that's another ugly word.

  Bob Louis : And here's another ugly word, Bon Jovi.

  [Leans against the mantelpiece in embarrassment] 

  Dave Briggs : [Whispers to Louis]  Bon Jovi?

• Dave Briggs : Hey, where are you going?

  Bob Louis : Phone the nick.

  Dave Briggs : Are you mad? If they find out we've solved the case, we'll have to go home.

  Bob Louis : Yeah?

  Dave Briggs : Think, Bob, think. We got two rooms up there, paid for.

  Bob Louis : Suppose it would be a waste, wouldn't it?

  Dave Briggs : Exactly, Bob.

  Bob Louis : Hang on. Hang on a minute. It's not the room that attracts you, is it?

  Dave Briggs : I don't know what you're talking about.

  Bob Louis : It's not the tea and coffee making facilities and the free sowing kit that's bought this on.

  Dave Briggs : What's that supposed to mean?

  Bob Louis : You reckon you can pull that American bird, don't you?

  Dave Briggs : Hark at you. "Pull that American bird" you're so gauche.

  Bob Louis : You do though, don't you? That's why you wanna stay, isn't it?

  Dave Briggs : Well, there was some talk of Gerry joining me in my room, later, for a little nightcap.

  Bob Louis : My God, you don't hang about, do you?

  Dave Briggs : You shouldn't spend so much time buffing your dome.

• Dave Briggs : [Bundling a body bag into the boot of Louis' car]  Why don't you get a bigger car?

  Bob Louis : If I'd known we'd be doing this, I'd have bought a bloody ice-cream van!

• Chambermaid : It's the chef you want to speak to, the chef. The master sacked him, Inspector, two nights ago, he's working out his notice. Go and see him, Inspector, that's what you should be doing.

  Bob Louis : Any chance of me sand...

  [She's already left] 

  Dave Briggs : The chef, eh?

  Bob Louis : You're not gonna listen to that twittering gerbil, are you?

  Dave Briggs : I listen to no-one, and yet, I listen to everyone. Come on.

  [Walks through a door on the other side of the room then walks out] 

  Dave Briggs : That was just a hunch, but there's no-one in the cupboard.