- Greg Montgomery: I keep feeling like there's something I should be doing.
- Edward Montgomery: Gregory, relax. You're supposed to feel useless on your wedding day. It prepares you for the rest of your married life.
- Greg Montgomery: [sarcastically] Oh, thanks, dad. That's nice. I hope that's part of your toast.
- Kitty Montgomery: What is that dreadful smell?
- Abby O'Neil: I'm burning sage to cleanse the room of evil spirits.
- Kitty Montgomery: Well, how about I open the window and let the little devils out.
- Greg Montgomery: [Having crept out of the wedding reception] Ah, freedom!
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Ah, Clifford!
- Greg Montgomery: Will you cut that out?
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Ok, don't take this the wrong way but this is absolutely the last time I'm gonna marry you.
- Greg Montgomery: You know, some day our parents will be gone and we'll look back on this day... and not miss them so much.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: That's a terrible thing to say - say it again.
- Greg Montgomery: It's scary. 30 years ago my parents stood in front of a minister and said the exact same words we just did and now look at them.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: That won't happen to us. I, Dharma Freedom Finkelstein, promise never to become my mother.
- Greg Montgomery: Or mine.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Like that's possible.
- Greg Montgomery: I, Gregory not saying the middle name Montgomery, promise not to bottle up my feelings for 30 years and then spew them like a volcano at our children's wedding.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: I promise to always let you be you and me be me, as long as we get to get naked now and then and switch.
- Greg Montgomery: Will you promise to always look at me with that light in your eyes?
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: If you'll promise to always brush my hair off my face like that, and kiss me like that.
- Greg Montgomery: And make me feel like the luckiest man in the world.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Yippee! Hi stranger! How's it going?
- Greg Montgomery: Great, couldn't be better.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Me too, I'm having such a wonderful time - can we go home now?
- [hears Kitty calling for her]
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: . Ah! In here, quick, it's the queen of pain!
- Greg Montgomery: I thought I was the only one who called her that.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Greg, this is unbelievable. Ok? Now I know why people elope.
- Greg Montgomery: Dharma, we eloped.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: I guess we're just a couple of overdressed idiots then.
- Greg Montgomery: It's almost over.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: It hasn't even started yet! Why can't we just leave?
- Greg Montgomery: Because we'd never be able to face these people again.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Ah, you promise?
- Greg Montgomery: We gotta go out there, it'll get better, I promise
- [hears Kitty calling for Greg]
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Oh god, it's her. Oh god, if she finds out I'm in here there's no telling what she'll stick in my head!
- Society Dave: Let's welcome to the dance floor the newly weds, Donna and Craig!
- Greg Montgomery: Odds are he means us.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Who thought hell would be catered.
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Kitty? Kitty? Kitty? It's piercing my brain.
- Kitty Montgomery: Good. Won't fall off.
- Jane: Best man? You're not even the best man in this closet!
- Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery: Ha, funny story, go tell Greg.
- Kitty Montgomery: Here, would you take this box of boutonnieres to the men?
- Jane: Hey, I'm not your gopher. I'm the maid of honor.
- Kitty Montgomery: Well try thinking less honor, more maid.
- Edward Montgomery: [a series of bridesmaids with exotic hair, clothes, and makeup have proceeded up the aisle] We're just one dog-faced boy short of a freak show.
- [Dharma's two dogs proceed up the aisle carrying flower baskets in their mouths]
- Edward Montgomery: But this wedding cake you selected is wonderful.
- Kitty Montgomery: Oh, Edward. Thank you for noticing. However, this is a wedge of brie.
- [pause]
- Kitty Montgomery: You're drunk, aren't you?
- Edward Montgomery: That's what the gals in the ladies' room said.
- Kitty Montgomery: Oh, come on, Edward, let's dance.
- Edward Montgomery: You got it, green eyes.
- Kitty Montgomery: They're blue, Edward... they're blue.