- Sally Rogers: Isn't that funny? I just remembered I have to go home and wash my cat.
- Buddy Sorrell: You washed your cat last night.
- Sally Rogers: So I'll iron him.
- Henry Walden: I enjoy your work immensely.
- Sally Rogers: You enjoy OUR work?
- Henry Walden: Yes, I have for years.
- Buddy Sorrell: Wait a minute. You a poet or a politician?
- Henry Walden: Oh, politician, eh? All right, let's see... Buddy Sorrell. Before Alan Brady, you wrote for The Billy Barrow Show, and before that, in early television, you were the very fine MC for an absolutely terrible program called Buddy's Band.
- Buddy Sorrell: Oh, wow! Memories!
- Henry Walden: And, uh, Sally Rogers, you were on the staff of The Milton Berle Show. And before that...
- Sally Rogers: Whoops! Before that I was a pom pom girl at Herbert Hoover High.
- Mrs. Huntington: Mr. and Mrs. Petrof, I am Mrs. Huntington, your hostess. Come, I want you to meet some of my very dear friends. People, I want you to meet Mr. and Mrs. William Petrof.
- Rob Petrie: Petrie.
- Mrs. Huntington: Oh, yes. You pronounce that Petrof, don't you?
- Mrs. Huntington: Mr. and Mrs. William Petrof.
- Rob Petrie: [correcting] Petrie.
- Mrs. Huntington: Oh, I'll never get that straight. Suppose I just call you, uh... Bill?
- Rob Petrie: [correcting] Rob.
- Mrs. Huntington: Bill and Rob! That's so much easier, of course.
- Rob Petrie: [to Laura, realizing no one knows who they are] You still, uh, think we belong here, "Rob?"
- Mrs. Venetia Fellows: Hasn't he a marvelous mind?
- Rob Petrie: Marvelous.
- Mrs. Venetia Fellows: He has the gift and the ability to say things that, uh, uh... uh...
- Rob Petrie: Well, uh, uh, seem vague but are in reality meaningless.
- Mrs. Venetia Fellows: Ah, yes!
- [Mel prepares to bring in Henry Walden and Mrs. Huntington]
- Mel Cooley: [excited] Now, uh, I'm gonna bring them in here, and I hope that...
- Mel Cooley: [to Buddy] ... none of us does anything that would reflect on the show.
- Sally Rogers: Oh, my. Am I reflecting? I must powder my nose.
- Buddy Sorrell: [to Mel] Why don't you powder your head?
- Mel Cooley: Yuck!
- Mrs. Huntington: Couldn't I just call you Bill?
- Rob Petrie: Why don't... Why don't you just call me Rob?
- Mrs. Huntington: Oh, I apologize, Bob.
- Rob Petrie: [correcting] No, that's Rob - Rob Petrof.
- Rob Petrie: [correcting himself] PETRIE!
- Mrs. Huntington: [to Mr. Walden] Now, you see, Henry? No one can say that name.
- Henry Walden: [to Rpb] Mrs. Huntington and her committee never even heard of you.
- Mrs. Huntington: Well, I'm just so poor at names.
- Henry Walden: No, not poor - MISERABLE!
- Rob Petrie: Thank you very much but I know very little about the, uh, early history of American humor.
- Buddy Sorrell: Don't look at me. I don't even know the name of Paul Revere's horse.
- Sally Rogers: Chicken, son of Flicka.
- Buddy Sorrell: What was the big punchline during the American revolution?
- Henry Walden: "Let George do it!"
- Henry Walden: She's an intellectual snob, that's what she is, but I forgive her. She's got a good heart and great legs.
- Mrs. Huntington: [continuing to mis-introduce Rob and Laura to other guests] And, then, this is Vonitia Fellows. Uh, uh, Bill and Rob Petrof.
- Mrs. Venetia Fellows: [shaking Rob's hand] Bill.
- Rob Petrie: [correcting] Rob.
- Mrs. Venetia Fellows: [shaking Laura's hand] Rob.
- Laura Petrie: [correcting] Laura.
- Mrs. Venetia Fellows: [correcting] Vonitia.