- Rob Petrie: Mr. Wesley, this pot is The Alan Brady Show, right?
- Doug Wesley: Right.
- Rob Petrie: [tossing out flowers as he speaks] Uh-huh, and his lovely red flower is Alan Brady. Uh-huh. Now, you take away Sally Rogers, and Buddy Sorrell, and Robert Petrie, and all Alan has left is an empty pot!
- Mel Cooley: Well, well, what's bothering Smokey the Bore?
- Buddy Sorrell: "Smokey the Boar" - hey, not bad for a self-taught incompetent.
- Doug Wesley: Alan Brady works for Alan Brady Productions.
- Rob Petrie: Yeah, but he owns it.
- Doug Wesley: Ah, but Alan Brady Productions is a subsidiary of Reliance Industries.
- Rob Petrie: [clears throat] What, uh... what's a Reliance Industries?
- Doug Wesley: Reliance Industries owns The Cliff Barnett Show and they run a fleet of shrimp boats in the Gulf of Mexico.
- Doug Wesley: You see, you and Sally and Buddy are not employed by the same firm.
- Rob Petrie: We're not?
- Doug Wesley: No, no, no. You, Rob, as head writer, are an executive, and all our executives are paid by Alan's Japanese company, Ishimoru.
- Rob Petrie: Ishimoru, is that Japanese?
- Doug Wesley: Oh, yes, yes.
- Rob Petrie: You know, I always thought that was a combination of Alan's kids' names.
- Doug Wesley: No. No. No, they make motorcycles, Rob.
- Rob Petrie: And, and, they, uh, they pay me. Well, then, who... who pays Buddy and Sally?
- Doug Wesley: Tam O'Shanter Ltd. of Scotland.
- Rob Petrie: Why can't Tam O'Shanter Ltd. of Scotland give them a raise, then?
- Doug Wesley: They're not doing too well right now, Rob.
- Rob Petrie: [looking at their sizable corporate binder] They're not? With a book that thick, they're not? What, uh... what do THEY make?
- Doug Wesley: Mm, right now, very bad investments, but a few years ago they were doing very well.
- Rob Petrie: Well, what... what did they make then?
- Doug Wesley: The Martin and Lewis coloring book.
- Doug Wesley: [trying to explain Alan Brady's corporate picture] Rob, maybe I can demonstrate it better with the flowers.
- Rob Petrie: The flowers?
- Doug Wesley: [picking up a vase of fowers] Yeah. Now, this pot is Alan Brady.
- Rob Petrie: Good casting.
- Doug Wesley: All these flowers are his various enterprises.
- Rob Petrie: He has that many flowers, huh?
- Doug Wesley: Now this big, lusty, healthy blue flower - that's Ishimoru.
- Rob Petrie: [taking the blue flower] Ishimoru... uh, uh - ptpt ptpt - motorcycles.
- Doug Wesley: Right, right. Now, this sickly little green flower - that's Tam O'Shanter.
- Rob Petrie: [taking the green flower] Tam O'Shanter, uh, coloring books.
- Doug Wesley: Right.
- Rob Petrie: Got that.
- Doug Wesley: Now, this big pink flower - that's Brady Lady.
- Rob Petrie: Brady Lady?
- Doug Wesley: Brady Lady is owned by Alan's wife.
- Rob Petrie: Alan's wife?
- Doug Wesley: She pays the band.
- Rob Petrie: Alan's wife pays the band?
- Doug Wesley: Well, it's a perfectly legitimate loophole, Rob.
- [Rob takes the pink flower as Mel enters and exits]
- Mel Cooley: Wesley, would you check over these figures and get an answer back to me right away? I've been up here a thousand times: you never gave ME any flowers.
- Buddy Sorrell: [upon hearing of a 15% raise] Boy, that's... that's great. Why didn't you tell us last night?
- Rob Petrie: Well, there's a little more.
- Buddy Sorrell: A little more than 15%?
- Rob Petrie: No.
- Sally Rogers: You mean we split 15%?
- Rob Petrie: No, no.
- Buddy Sorrell: Seven and a half percent?
- Rob Petrie: No.
- Sally Rogers: 3%.
- Rob Petrie: No, it's 15% raise.
- Buddy Sorrell: It's there, but nobody got it. It's a treasure hunt.
- Rob Petrie: I'm just happy about your new jobs.
- Buddy Sorrell: New jobs already?
- Sally Rogers: With whom?
- Rob Petrie: Barracuda Limited.
- Buddy Sorrell: Barracuda? What is that?
- Rob Petrie: Alan Brady's mother-in-law.
- Buddy Sorrell: Boy, to you, all the world's a sketch and all the men and women live on Flugel Street.
- Buddy Sorrell: This is like you're Field Marshal Montgomery and you won the big war in Africa. And when it's all over, you find out that Rommel was gettin' more money than you.