The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Bottom of Mel Cooley's Heart (1966)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan Brady : I'm NOT impatient... and your time is up!

  Rob Petrie : You have the impatience of genius.

  Alan Brady : Go ahead, finish your thought.

• Rob Petrie : [about Mel]  Well, we gotta make him feel appreciated, make him feel wanted.

  Buddy Sorrell : Why don't we put his picture in the post office?

• Laura Petrie : Like my mother always says, "If you don't respect yourself, nobody else will."

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, well, everybody's mother says that.

  Laura Petrie : 'Cept Mel's.

  Rob Petrie : Well, I'm his new mother, and I don't know what to do with him, either.

• Rob Petrie : I'll pretend like I'm tyin' my shoelace.

  Buddy Sorrell : Wait, you're wearin' loafers.

  Rob Petrie : That's why I have to pretend.

• [distracted my Mel's problem, Rob has eaten dinner without noticing it] 

  Rob Petrie : Have you got any dessert?

  Laura Petrie : You ate it.

  Rob Petrie : What was it?

  Laura Petrie : Bavarian cream pie.

  Rob Petrie : Oh, darn. I love that! Is there any more?

  Laura Petrie : Darling, you had two helpings.

  Rob Petrie : Aw, darn. Why didn't you tell me?

• Rob Petrie : That's why you need Mel.

  Alan Brady : Why, because he's a drudge?

  Rob Petrie : Right.

  Alan Brady : A sniveling coward?

  Rob Petrie : Right.

  Alan Brady : A brainless idiot?

  Rob Petrie : Right.

  Buddy Sorrell : So far, I coulda done this.

• Rob Petrie : Only a square would spend so many hours checking the details. Only a pest... only a brother-in-law would try to watch your budget like he does. A whipping boy? Sure he is, but he takes a whipping for the people you really would like to hit; and, if you did, they'd hit back, and you wouldn't have any show.

• Alan Brady : You guys make me feel like Captain Bligh. You really want Mel back Mr. Christian?

  Rob Petrie : Yes.

  Buddy Sorrell : So does Mr. Jewish.

• Rob Petrie : You don't give yourself enough credit. Sally and I know what you've done for that show, well Buddy too.

  Buddy Sorrell : Sure, but we love you anyway.