The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Masterpiece (1963)

Morey Amsterdam: Buddy Sorrell

Quotes 

• Buddy Sorrell : Hey, Rob, you better watch your wife. If she's like my wife, Pickles, she buys all kinds of junk and never uses it.

  Sally Rogers : Oh, I don't know. Last time she came home with a beautiful rocker.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yeah. She's been off it ever since.

• Buddy Sorrell : What is it?

  Rob Petrie : It's a hookah. You know, Turkish water pipe.

  Sally Rogers : Oh.

  Buddy Sorrell : Looks like a seltzer bottle with a thyroid condition.

• Rob Petrie : I could... I could kick myself.

  Buddy Sorrell : Don't do it. The guy'll think you're bidding.

• Mr. Holdecker : Mr. Petrie, one does not attack a painting. One approaches it as he would a woman. Is she beautiful? Does she have a heart? Does she have a soul? These are not judgments you make in an instant.

  Buddy Sorrell : Hey, he's right. You could look at my wife for a whole year and not see ONE of those things.

  Mr. Holdecker : [disdainfully]  Yes.