The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Plots Thicken (1964)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ritchie Petrie : Well, what's a plot?

  Rob Petrie : Well, Rich, uh, a, uh, plot is, uh... it's where you will go when-when you die, Rich.

  Ritchie Petrie : I thought when you die you go to Heaven.

  Rob Petrie : Well, you do. You do go to Heaven, Rich, a... but a plot is... is kind of like a... a launching pad. Zhoom!

• Sally Rogers : You mean they're fighting over who gets you?

  Rob Petrie : Well, they're going to unless I find some way out of it.

  Buddy Sorrell : Easy. You go with your folks, she'll go with her folks.

  Sally Rogers : No, no, married couples should be together.

  Buddy Sorrell : Oh no, not Pickles and me. In the ceremony it says till death do us part and I'm grabbing it afterwards.

• Rob Petrie : Hey, how 'bout that. We're a two-plot family now.

• Mr. Meehan : [as the argument ramps up]  A commitment is a commitment.

  Laura Petrie : Dad...

  Sam Petrie : A toast is a toast!

  Rob Petrie : Dad...

  Mr. Meehan : A priority is nothing?

  Laura Petrie : Dad!

  Sam Petrie : Priority, my foot! A son is a son.

  Rob Petrie : Dad.

  Sam Petrie : Shut up!

  Mr. Meehan : And a daughter is a daughter.

  Laura Petrie : Dad...

  Mr. Meehan : Shut up!

  Laura Petrie : Rob...!

  Rob Petrie : Shut up.

  Sam Petrie : WHO YOU TELLIN' TO SHUT UP!

• Mr. Meehan : [speaking to Rob privately in the kitchen, away from his wife and Laura]  You made a reference in there about your father and me playing golf together.

  Rob Petrie : Ye-yes, I did.

  Mr. Meehan : And you specifically mentioned the fifteenth hole.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah.

  Mr. Meehan : You're obviously alluding to the matter that was discussed between your father and me.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, Dad, as a matter of fact I was.

  Mr. Meehan : I'm glad you brought it up, because it gives me the opportunity right here and now to tell you that I don't wanna talk about it.

  Rob Petrie : Well, I... You don't wanna talk about it?

  Mr. Meehan : That's right. I don't wanna talk about it.

  Rob Petrie : Well, w-why did you bring me in here?

  Mr. Meehan : To tell you I don't wanna talk about it. It's too painful a subject - not for me, but I want to spare that woman in there. That poor woman.

  Rob Petrie : Well, look, Dad, I didn't wanna talk about it either, but after seein' the way it's affected you two, I think we ought to talk about it.

  Mr. Meehan : I don't wanna talk about it.

  Rob Petrie : Well, I mean, that piece of land my dad bought...

  Mr. Meehan : You're talking about it!

  Rob Petrie : Well, how are we gonna settle anything if we don't talk about it?

  Mr. Meehan : Rob, as far as that woman in there and I are concerned, it IS settled.

  Rob Petrie : Obviously it isn't settled or we wouldn't be talkin' about it.

  Mr. Meehan : We're not talking about it.

  Rob Petrie : Well, what're we talkin' about?

  Mr. Meehan : Something I never wanted to talk about.

  Rob Petrie : What's that?

  Mr. Meehan : Something that woman has felt for years.

  Rob Petrie : Well, can we talk about it?

  Mr. Meehan : Maybe it's time we did.