- Dorothy: Well, didn't you come here to talk about marriage?
- Rob Petrie: Yes. No!
- Dorothy: Well, which is it?
- Rob Petrie: Well, I... I came to talk about marriage but not OUR marriage.
- Dorothy: Whose marriage, then?
- Rob Petrie: Mine.
- Dorothy: Yours.
- Rob Petrie: Yeah.
- Dorothy: Yours and whose?
- Rob Petrie: Uh, Laura.
- Dorothy: WHO THE DEVIL IS LAURA!
- [Buddy and Sally are reading Rob's manuscript about being engaged to someone else]
- Rob Petrie: [voiceover] As I was standing in Dorothy's living room, I felt like a soldier who was AWOL: absent without love. As Hamlet once said, "Hark, here comes Dorothy, and I wish was dead." I had forgotten how beautiful and graceful Dorothy was. She was lovely, blond, about two inches taller than Laura, and about 45 percent sexier.
- Laura Petrie: Rob's coming over with a surprise?
- Millie Crumberbacher: Yeah.
- Laura Petrie: How do you know?
- Millie Crumberbacher: Well, never mind...
- Laura Petrie: Well, don't you DARE tell me what it is. If it's a surprise, I want Rob to tell me.
- Laura Petrie: [unable to wait even a second] What is it?
- [Rob and Sam debate over how to tell Dorothy Rob's marrying Laura instead of her]
- Rob Petrie: How can you break news like that in a letter, anyway?
- Sam: Well, like this: You write, uh, "Dear Dorothy. How are you? I am fine. Regards to your mother and father. Sincerely, Sergeant Petrie. P.S. I'm sorry you couldn't make it here for my wedding."
- Rob Petrie: [as Buddy and Sally enter] Hi, fellas.
- Sally Rogers: "Fellas." He said it again! He said "fellas."
- Rob Petrie: Oh, I'm sorry, Sally. You're always talkin' about how you like to be treated like one of the guys.
- Sally Rogers: Yeah, but not when I'm wearing my most feminine outfit. "Fellas!"
- Rob Petrie: I'm, sorry, Sal.
- Sally Rogers: Look, Rob, just for once, make believe I'm a girl?
- Buddy Sorrell: We'll do our best, Fred.
- [Rob explains he wants the first of two three-day passes for his honeymoon]
- Captain: Why do you want another one?
- Rob Petrie: Well, sir, I have to go back to Danville, Illinois, to tell my OTHER fiance that I can't marry her too.
- Captain: Oh. I see. You want to get rid of the girl back home, huh?
- Rob Petrie: Well, no. No, sir. Not exactly. I... She's, uh... Well... yeah, I... more or less.
- Captain: I'm sorry, Petrie. One three-day pass is IT.
- Rob Petrie: But-but, sir...
- Captain: And you can either use it for your honeymoon or you can go back to Danville and do the manly thing. Now it's your choice.
- Rob Petrie: Well, sir, I-I don't know what to do!
- Captain: I know what I'D do. I'd tell that girl back home.
- Rob Petrie: Oh, sir, would ya? It'd mean so much more coming from a captain.
- Rob Petrie: What kind of changes? What do you mean, honey?
- Laura Petrie: Well cutting and editing, like, well, right around here, this part.
- Rob Petrie: What, where?
- Laura Petrie: Right around there.
- Rob Petrie: Here? She was lovely, blond, 2 inches taller than Laura and 45 per cent sexier.
- Laura Petrie: Yeah, around there.
- Rob Petrie, Laura Petrie: Uh, you think if I cut that 45 per cent sexier, would that improve the book?
- Laura Petrie: 100 per cent.