Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (TV Series)

Office Management (1995)

Ray Romano: Ray

Quotes 

• Ray : She's crazy, my daughter.

  Dr. Katz : How old is she now?

  Ray : She's, uh, four. And she's, um...

  Dr. Katz : Well that's, that's a good age.

  Ray : Yeah, that's the privilege of being four: You can be crazy. You don't gotta come to therapy at four. The other day, the other day she came in, there were people over at our house...

  Dr. Katz : Yeah?

  Ray : ...And she named her toes for everyone. She had a name for every toe: "Oh that's Judy, that's Nancy, that's Karen." Yeah, oh everybody thought that was adorable. Yeah, but if grandpa does it, it's a tragedy all of a sudden.

  Dr. Katz : Hmm.

  Ray : Nobody wants THAT. Nobody wants grandpa comin' in: "Hey hey, that's Fat Tony, and that's Jimmy the Weasel. They're pissin' me off." One of my two year olds, you know, this is what I wanted to ask you, if this is normal.

  Dr. Katz : "Normal" is not a word I like to use, Ray.

  Ray : He was in the bathtub, and I guess the water must've stimulated him. You know what I'm gettin' at here?

  Dr. Katz : Yeah, that's normal.

  Ray : He, he's only two. That's weird.

  Dr. Katz : Perfectly natural to be stimulated by warm water.

  Ray : Okay. And that's a big day for a two year old when he realizes that his, uh, part of his body gets larger. Oh, he came runnin' out of the bathtub: "Pee pee big! Pee pee big!" Which, y'know, once again: Cute. Grandpa does that? Not so cute anymore. Right? There's your double standard. Why can't grandpa get excited? I'm sure he's just as surprised as the two year old.

• Dr. Katz : [Talking about Las Vegas]  How about legalized prostitution, huh? So I hear. Over there.

  Dr. Katz : Yeah, it's all over there.

  Ray : And it was hot. When were you... Were you there in the summer?

  Ray : Yes, very very...

  Ray : Hundred and fourteen degrees! But you know what? I'd rather be in Vegas a hundred and fourteen than New York ninety. You know why? Legalized prostitution!

• Dr. Katz : Las Vegas, Ray, is not really... a city. It's more of a celebration of everything evil.

  Ray : They just take your money so quick there. Y'know? There's- there's slot machines in the supermarket. You know that?

  Dr. Katz : Yeah.

  Ray : It's pathetic.

  Dr. Katz : Sure.

  Ray : There's people there with their shopping lists- "Eh, eh... oh, we don't need eggs." It's not right.