- Laura the Receptionist: Mr. Gottfried, you're twenty-five minutes late.
- Gilbert: Twenty-five minutes late? This has never happened to me before! Oh my God, I'm pregnant!
- [Laura rolls her eyes]
- Dr. Katz: Well, the media is drawn to any kind of celebrity.
- Jim: Y'know, we've even gotten to the point where we're interviewing the models.
- Dr. Katz: Mm-hmm.
- Jim: Dr. Katz, what do we expect to learn from a model? "I put lipstick on my lips." "Oh, is, is there anything else?" "I walk that way when they tell me." "We have so much to learn from you." You ever seen one of these interviews? They're always like, "Uh, you're very beautiful. How'd you do that?" "My name's Kathy." "Okay, maybe you didn't understand the question. Uh, you're goin' out with a guy in a band, right?" "Kathy. I go to the bathroom by myself."
- Robert: Doctor, this guy comes up to me and he says, "Hey man, you wanna buy a watch?" I said, "No, I don't wanna buy a watch, especially at a urinal. Now this is MY time with myself."