- Bobby: Y'know, my wife says to me, "You gotta go see a shrink."
- Dr. Katz: Well...
- Bobby: She's always sayin' I gotta be sensitive to her needs.
- Dr. Katz: Well that's, that's...
- Bobby: And women always say, "Tell me the truth. Let me know how you're feeling. Let me know what's on your mind." And every time I do that, I just get myself in more trouble. Every time. Like, the other day, she tries on a pair of pants and says, "Does this make me look fat?"
- Dr. Katz: Right.
- Bobby: "No, your fat butt makes you look fat! Why are you blaming it on the pants?"
- Dr. Katz: Well that's...
- Bobby: "It's the fork and the refrigerator and your mouth, it has nothing to do with the pants!"
- Dr. Katz: Uh...
- Bobby: She's always tellin' me how angry I am, you're telling me how angry I am, of course I'm angry! All these morons out there. People think Roger Moore's a better James Bond than Sean Connery, of COURSE I'm angry!
- Dr. Katz: Have you made any progress on the marital front? Seemed to me like...
- Bobby: It's like I said to my wife the other night, she wants to be more "romantic", and I'm thinkin', y'know, I don't know what you want to do. We've tried candlelight dinners, and it's hard for me because I can't see the food; I tell her, "Put on the TV, get some light over here!"
- Dr. Katz: Well...
- Bobby: She wants to take a bath together, she lights candles around the bathroom, it's like a sacrifice.
- Dr. Katz: Yeah.
- Bobby: One night, we take a shower together, and it seems to me women like taking a shower, 'cause they're the ones under the hot water.
- Dr. Katz: Right.
- Bobby: I'm standin' there all shriveled up with soap in my face, I got shampoo in my eyes, "Yeah this is great, honey."
- Todd: New York City is a sick place, man. You know what I saw there recently? I saw a guy masturbating at an automatic teller machine.
- Dr. Katz: Hmm...
- Todd: Yeah, I was grossed out too, at first. But then I realized, hey, there have been times when I've checked my balance and I find, "Wow, I've got a little more money than I thought!" And you want to celebrate. Just take a couple of deep breaths, count to ten, and move that party to a different location.