- Joy: [discussing her role in a play] I have to learn it, and then I have to go into the show...
- Dr. Katz: Yeah.
- Joy: ...other actors who are already, you know, in sync...
- Dr. Katz: Mm-hmm.
- Joy: ...and they're doing the play, and I have to just walk in, in the middle of it.
- Dr. Katz: And you feel like you'll be on the spot, that they'll...
- Joy: What if, like, what if I blank out? What if, um, I walk the wrong way? What if I miss a cue?
- Dr. Katz: What if you do? What is the worst thing that'll happen?
- Joy: The audience will think I'm terrible, and the actors will hate me.
- Dr. Katz: And then your life will still continue.
- Joy: It will?
- Dr. Katz: Yep.
- Joy: But... what about the humiliation, at the moment?
- Dr. Katz: [long beat] I hadn't thought of that.
- Dr. Katz: [dictating] "The implication of limbic involvement..."
- Laura the Receptionist: Mm-hmm.
- Dr. Katz: "... has sent many a scientist... "
- Laura the Receptionist: Mm-hmm.
- Dr. Katz: Period. No, I'm kidding. "... has sent many a scientist down that slippery slope."
- Laura the Receptionist: Huh. *Now* you're kidding.
- Dr. Katz: No, I mean it. It's a metaphor for, for, uh, something else.
- Laura the Receptionist: For what?
- Dr. Katz: I'm not sure.
- Laura the Receptionist: Dr. Katz?
- Dr. Katz: Yeah?
- Laura the Receptionist: Um, it's probably a mixup, but you got a message inviting you to speak at an adult education class next week.
- Dr. Katz: Really?
- Laura the Receptionist: Yeah, they asked you to send a recent article so the class could familiarize themselves with your work.
- [snickers]
- Dr. Katz: Huh. That sounds...
- Laura the Receptionist: I mean... There has to be dozens of Dr. Katzes in the phone book, so the odds are pretty good that...
- Dr. Katz: No, I don't think it's a mixup, Laura. I think that somebody out there is familiar with my work and is interested in hearing what I have to say. I'm not surprised, in fact I'm pleased.
- Laura the Receptionist: Um... Well, I didn't realize that you had theories.
- Dr. Katz: Well, of course I have theories.
- Laura the Receptionist: What kind of theories?
- Dr. Katz: Well, over the years I've put forth many different theories on a vast range of subjects, but, you know, described to a layperson such as yourself...
- Laura the Receptionist: What about the "recent article" part of the invitation?
- Dr. Katz: Well, see, "recent" in this field really means "post-Freud." And for your information, young lady, my work has been published all over the world in seven different languages.
- Laura the Receptionist: Well, would you like to fax them an article?
- Dr. Katz: Well, unfortunately English is not one of them.
- Stanley: Well, all right, what is it in particular that scares you?
- Dr. Katz: Well, honestly, I feel like a... I feel a little fraudulent, you know. I don't know if what I have to say is that interesting or if I can sound like an expert on the subject. That's the main thing.
- Stanley: Nah, you see, what you do is, you dazzle 'em with some big psychoanalytical-type words, and by the time they catch on to you, poof, you're gone. You can do that, right?
- Dr. Katz: Sure. I mean, I guess.
- Stanley: All right, c'mon, Katz, gimme your best shot.
- Dr. Katz: Well, I don't know if I could do it off the top of my head...
- Stanley: Sure you can, c'mon, c'mon.
- Dr. Katz: [long pause] Okay. Um, this is how I'm planning to open.
- Stanley: Go ahead.
- Dr. Katz: "The brain... is divided into two halves."
- Stanley: Mmm. Ooh, that's gonna wow 'em.
- Julie: Maybe you could say "hemispheres" instead.
- Dr. Katz: Okay. Okay. "The brain... " That's a good idea. "The brain is divided into two hemispheres."
- Julie: Yeah.
- Stanley: Much better.
- Julie: Yeah, I like that.
- Dr. Katz: "... A... and B."