- Henry Davenport: [after Sally has divided the desk] No, I shall not stoop to her level. You see, this is ridiculous, she's only put a line down the middle of... wait a minute, that's not the middle, you've stolen some of my desk.
- Sally Smedley: No I haven't.
- Henry Davenport: Yes you have, you're as bad as the bloody Israelis!
- Henry Davenport: I hear you've got hold of a pirate version of Madonna's new movie Body of Evidence, can you knock me off a copy?
- Dave Charnley: Yeah, sure.
- Henry Davenport: How do the sex scenes compare to Basic Instinct?
- Dave Charnley: Even funnier.
- Joy Merryweather: Everyone okay? Shame, I was hoping you'd all died in the night.
- Dave Charnley: Bloody hell, she must have got out of the wrong side of her coffin this morning.
- Sally Smedley: I'd be ever so grateful if you'd not put that on my side of the desk.
- Henry Davenport: Pardon me for breathing.
- Sally Smedley: Well, if you'd stop doing that, I'd be really grateful.
- Henry Davenport: Honestly, disputes about desk space... I'm living among pygmies!
- [Damien has handed Dave a 1938 Luger]
- Damien Day: Had a heck of a job getting the guy to let go of it.
- Dave Charnley: Yeah, I can imagine.
- Damien Day: Had to saw his fingers off in the end.
- Dave Charnley: [Putting the gun down] You sawed the fingers of a dead soldier?
- Damien Day: Well, I wouldn't saw the fingers off a live one.
- Damien Day: What's exactly wrong with collecting weapons?
- Dave Charnley: Nothing. I was interested in guns for years - then I reached puberty.
- Sally Smedley: Would you stop tossing your rubbish over my desk?
- Henry Davenport: What, you've got bloody airspace now?
- [Damien has tricked Dave into destroying some videotapes]
- Damien Day: You were asking for it.
- Dave Charnley: You putrid piece of rat droppings!
- Damien Day: Look, I told you, don't mess with the big boys.
- Dave Charnley: You dirty, conniving bastard!
- Damien Day: Look, I'm sorry, you're just not in my league.
- Dave Charnley: You have all the scruples of Mark Thatcher.
- Damien Day: Now look, careful, you can go too far.
- Joy Merryweather: Morning, Gus.
- Gus Hedges: [surprised] Is Joy ill?
- George Dent: No, I had a quiet word with her. That seems to have done the trick.
- Gus Hedges: George, we seem to have a Joy aggression overload this morning. I do feel it's time for you to take the whole hog, bite the bull by the scruff of the horns and have a stiff word with her.
- George Dent: Dave, did uh, you manage to get anything useful on Major in Washington?
- Dave Charnley: Don't be ridiculous.
- Joy Merryweather: I've been seeing this married man: Nick Beaumont. He's a lying, loathsome, cheating, venomous piece of excrescence.
- Helen Cooper: So? What's the problem?
- Joy Merryweather: He won't marry me.
- Joy Merryweather: More rumblings on Smith being anonymous.
- Dave Charnley: Smith?
- Joy Merryweather: The Labour leader.
- Dave Charnley: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah..
- George Dent: I just said that she should resolve things, one way... or another.
- Gus Hedges: Well done George, good work - terrific. Let me know if you're going to have any more heart-to-hearts with the staff and I'll arrange for an ambulance in advance.
- [first lines]
- Damien Day: And now after our six day trek through the hostile and impenetrable Borneo interior, I am now standing just a few feet away from the Bangoan people, a tribe who are still living in the Stone Age and have never ever been seen by a white man before.
- [last lines]
- Henry Davenport: This is ridiculous.
- Sally Smedley: We want our desk back. Now.
- Henry Davenport: You seriously expect me to sit at one of those? Besides, her inkwell is bigger than mine.
- Helen Cooper: [indicating Joy] We're going to have to do something about her.
- George Dent: Well, she's probably going through a bad patch. Maybe someone's making her unhappy.