Duckman: Private Dick/Family Man (TV Series)

Days of Whining and Neurosis (1995)

Jason Alexander: Eric Duckman

Quotes 

• Eric Duckman : Hasselhoff is TOO a singer!

• Eric Duckman : How much can one duck take? A whole week without caffeine, nicotine, women! Okay, so I once went three years without a woman. Oh, six if you don't count that open house day at the morgue.

• Eric Duckman : What led you through the hopelessly tangled underbrush of private security organizations to our door, hmm? Stellar word of mouth? Our fine client roster? Those fliers were put up in that public urinal?

  Dr. Conrad Milo : I needed detectives who were so low on the ladder, there was absolutely no way anyone rich or famous could've ever heard of them.

  Eric Duckman : Hey, we may not have the recognition of detectives who go around "solving cases", but we do just fine, thank you.

  [text appears on-screen: "Daily fee/$1.48"] 

• Senator Stark : Hello, I'm Senator Stark. I like to smoke, drink, lie, steal, and fondle anyone within reach.

  Eric Duckman : Join the club.

  Senator Stark : I DID; it's called the Senate.

• Cornfed Pig : [at a therapy session]  I'm Dr. Gelman.

  Eric Duckman : No you're not.

  Cornfed Pig : Yes I am.

  Eric Duckman : No you're not!

  Cornfed Pig : [irritated]  Yes, I AM.

  Eric Duckman : What are ya talkin' about? You're...

  Cornfed Pig : [grabbing Duckman's bill]  My name is Dr. Gelman, Dr. Nathan Gelman. Nobody knows me here, so I'm introducing myself!

  Eric Duckman : ...Oh, ohhhh! Hehe... Nice to meet you... Dr. Cornfed.

  [Cornfed sighs angrily]