- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Stanley Smith. You're our next contestant on prison life... come on down!
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [after Stanley tries on Fraser's hat] Hey, what do you think you're doing? The hat's sacred, okay?
- Lt. Harding Welsh: [Welsh comments on smell in men's room, unaware it wasn't Fraser, but is a dead body in one of the stalls] Oh God, did something die in here? Better lay off those mooseburgers.
- Agent Ford: [after being hit in his nether region and is doubled over in pain] Oh mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy...
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Stan suggesting what to do with potential murderer Dinardo] Let's get him in here and mess with his head.
- Francesca Vecchio: [Francesca and Fraser hiding in the morgue while Fraser Sr. talks away] Being around death is just... it's so forbidden. It's kind of exciting.
- Constable Benton Fraser: Some people, some dead people, they are exciting.
- [looks at his dead father]
- Constable Benton Fraser: . Some dead people are not exciting.
- Constable Benton Fraser: [Fraser explains how he got Dinardo to come to the station] I hate to admit it, but I lied to him.
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oh, nothing happened, did it? You weren't struck by lightning, sky didn't fall in?
- Constable Benton Fraser: Well, not yet, but it might have. It might well be the start of a slippery slope.
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Oh yes, I believe you're going to Hell in a handcart.
- Constable Benton Fraser: It's not something to laugh about. I might well be.
- Dr. Mort Gustafson: [Mort finds that Fraser has hidden a dead body in the morgue] Is he one of mine?
- Constable Benton Fraser: No, he's material evidence in a criminal investigation. I just took the liberty of storing him here earlier."
- Dr. Mort Gustafson: Was he dead at that time?
- Constable Benton Fraser: Very dead.
- Dr. Mort Gustafson: Oh, then.
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: You, sit there.
- Stanley Smith: No, no, no! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Naw, naw, naw, I ain't gonna sit in no room with no dead guy, all right? This is cruel and unusual punishment, okay? This is America, and I know my rights!
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: They always know their rights. What about the rights of the guy with the Mercedes?
- Stanley Smith: He don't need no rights! He got a Mercedes!