- Constable Benton Fraser: [Discussing interrogating Bruce Spender] I'd like to talk to him.
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Torture. That's a good idea. I never thought of that.
- Constable Benton Fraser: [Annoyed] That's... that's very funny, Ray.
- Police Academy Commandant: [a suspect has been arrested during a police school graduation. The Commandant is using this as an example for the new recruits] What do we do after we've controlled a suspect?
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: Uh... kick him in the head?
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [about Fraser's new place to live] Nice place
- Constable Benton Fraser: It was Constable Turnbull's, but he decided he didn't need anything quite so fancy.
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: So where's he living now, a cardboard box?
- Constable Benton Fraser: Mmm-hmm. Rather nice one, though.
- C.A. Elaine Besbriss: Here comes my replacement now.
- Det. Stanley Raymond Kowalski: [Sees his sister Francesca coming] I'm going to pass a bullet through my brain.