- Lois Hobson: So... How's Erica?
- Gary Hobson: Mum, I need your help...
- Lois Hobson: Oh if you don't want to talk about it...
- Gary Hobson: You know Mr. Bancroft at the high school? These guys, they gonna beat him up after school and then steal his car...
- Lois Hobson: Oh poor Mr. Bancroft. You know, he's had such a hard year... His wife left him about 6 months ago...
- Gary Hobson: I think this is a little worse!
- Lois Hobson: Oh I'm sorry... Well what do you want me to do?
- Gary Hobson: Well... Mr. Bancroft never really... cared for me too much.
- Lois Hobson: Gary, you were his favorite student!
- Gary Hobson: [Looking shocked] Mum, he threw books at me!
- Lois Hobson: ONE book!
- Gary Hobson: Great expectations! Big book! It hurt!
- Lois Hobson: Oh, what do you expect from me?
- Gary Hobson: Listen, what I want you to do is... I want you do go down at the school and keep Mr. Bancroft away from his car.
- Lois Hobson: Oh, I couldn't do that!
- Gary Hobson: Why not?
- Lois Hobson: Well I would just sound ridiculous, like you do all the time!
- Gary Hobson: [Outraged] Mum!
- Lois Hobson: Well... Go to the police... Talk to Joe! Did you know he has two kids now?
- Gary Hobson: Joe? Joe Frawley? High school Joe?
- Lois Hobson: Yes, he's been chief of police three times running.
- [Giving Gary a knowing smile]
- Lois Hobson: Did I mention? He has TWO kids... .
- Gary Hobson: [Angrily] Mum!
- Lois Hobson: So... Surprised?
- Gary Hobson: Kinda...
- Lois Hobson: Well, you know, it's so rare you get to come home and see all of your friends...
- Gary Hobson: [Stiffly] Oh you know how I love surprises! Why is it that everyone thinks that I owe a chain of successful restaurants?
- Lois Hobson: [Blushing] I don't know...
- Gary Hobson: [Exasperated] Mum!
- Lois Hobson: Well, sometimes your dad and I embellish this a little bit...
- Gary Hobson: Mr. Biebeau would like to buy some stock!
- Lois Hobson: Gary, people like to brag about their kids... And what am I supposed to say about you? "My son gets tomorrows newspaper"?
- George: [Lifting Gary in his arms] Wow, hey big guy! I'll be in Chicago next month. Can you get me a table at McGranty's?
- Gary Hobson: It's McGinty's, George, McGinty's.
- George: That's what I say... What night should I come to see Oprah?
- Lois Hobson: [Gary turns to her and gives her a furious look] Wednesdays! She's always there on Wednesdays!
- [Quickly cuts off the argument by dashing towards her friends]
- Lois Hobson: Judy!