- Ari Gold: Does your boss know you're using his house for a party? Cause I just put a call in to him. Yeah, we went to school together. I helped cheat on his economics final or he wouldn't have graduated, so he owes me big-time.
- Ari Gold: You know another class I took at Harvard? Business Ethics. I don't steal other people's motherfucking clients, but in your case I'm going to make an exception. I'm going to take everyone: your B-level sitcom stars, your reality-TV writers, when I'm done with you, you're gonna be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog-Face-Bitch-Boy? Call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight pen-stealing fuckface.
- Ari Gold: [tastes Josh's drink, makes a face, and then pours it out disdainfully] That's awful.
- Gary Busey: You are a gut maggot without guts.
- Ari Gold: Geez, you're gonna spin off this planet. That's great! Keep it up!
- Gary Busey: In the name of art, and everything art stands for, remember this: art is only the search, it is not the final form.
- Adam Davies: [clearly a junior intern type] Well, I'll fight for you. But I'm not gonna lie to you. It's gonna be, uh, difficult to get you back in the game.
- Johnny 'Drama' Chase: Back in the game?
- Adam Davies: Mm.
- Johnny 'Drama' Chase: I am the fucking game, pal. Come on, Turtle, let's get out of here.
- Ari Gold: [to long-suffering new secretary] Where am I going?
- Emily: Ivy. You're twenty minutes late. Ari, I need to talk to you.
- Ari Gold: Walk with me.
- Emily: Okay.
- [tries to keep up]
- Emily: Vince and the guys are going to a party at Josh Weinstein's.
- Ari Gold: Who's Josh Weinstein?
- Emily: Your old assistant.
- Ari Gold: I have many old assistants.
- Emily: After Jackie, before Jen.
- Ari Gold: My J phase. I think I fired him for stealing pens. What do I care about Josh?
- Emily: [has to do her utmost best to keep up with him] Now he's an agent at Triad.
- Ari Gold: Uh-huh?
- Emily: And, uh, he's the one who gave the boys Queens Boulevard.
- Ari Gold: [does total about turn] That's why no more guys. You fire a guy and you create a rival. You fire a woman and you create a housewife.
- Emily: That's sweet. You're still late.
- [still tagging along trying to keep up with him]
- Ari Gold: Hold all my calls, get mini-Vince on the phone.