- Narrator: At that moment, I discovered one of life's greatest secrets: black guy plus basketball equals white girl.
- Coach Brady: Okay, here's the play. This is you with the ball, and here are the other four guys getting out of your way.
- Greg Wuliger: Hey, Chris, you want to study for the quiz?
- Chris Rock: Man, does it look like I want to study? Look at me, man. I'm killing. I'm two feet from a girl!
- Rochelle: [about the person renting the room upstairs] That man is not from Philly. People from Philly don't shut up about Philly. All they want to talk about is cheesesteaks and Bill Cosby and Patti LaBelle.
- Narrator: I liked hanging out with Greg, but a life without daily ass-whuppings does have its appeal.
- Chris Rock: [to Greg] Hey, how come you didn't come to the game?
- Greg Wuliger: I felt bad not being there, but I would have felt worse seeing you miss all those shots, trip over the ball and pass to the other team.
- Chris Rock: You sure you weren't there?
- Chris Rock: [about his test] Wait a second. I thought I had a "C" plus.
- Ms. Martella: I thought you were on the team.