- Chris Rock: My father didn't like other women in the house for the same reason he didn't like guns in the house. Even with the safety on, somebody could get killed.
- Chris Rock: Usually when Tanya says she was telling that meant I was getting in trouble, but I didn't care All I wanted to do was slap the black off of Drew.
- Greg Wuliger: Knowing a guy whose little brother made out is the furthest I've ever gotten with a girl.
- Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] Oh, man. Keisha? Right in your living room?
- Chris: Yeah. And she said, "Hi, Chris."
- Greg Wuliger: Oh, man. You are so in there.
- Chris: You think so?
- Greg Wuliger: Yeah. I mean, she didn't just say "hi." She initiated the "hi."
- Chris: Whoa. I never thought of it like that.
- Greg Wuliger: Man, you got to get a condom.
- Chris Rock: It'd be 2 years before I knew what a condom was and 8 years before I got to use one.
- Rochelle: Julius, if Drew's grades keep dropping, he's going to get kicked out of school. And then, he's going to get hooked on crack. And then, the next thing you know, we'll be walking in here without a stick of furniture. Now, do you want to pay for a tutor or do you want to pay for new furniture?
- Chris Rock: Back at school, Greg camped out for me like I was a new "Star Wars" movie.
- Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] Hey, where were you?
- Chris: I was at class.
- Greg Wuliger: At class? I've been waiting here for 15 minutes.
- Chris: I told you to wait at my locker.
- Greg Wuliger: You weren't at your locker.
- Chris: I'm at it now.
- Greg Wuliger: But you weren't then!
- Chris: Greg.
- [two girls look at them and walk away]
- Chris: Too close.
- Chris Rock: There goes two more girls we're never going to get.
- Chris: [after catching Drew kiss Keisha] What's wrong with you?
- Drew: What?
- Chris: You knew I like Keisha. Now you're up here kissing her?
- Drew: I didn't even know you liked her. And besides, I wasn't kissing her. She was kissing me.
- Chris Rock: He used that same excuse with a woman's husband 10 years later and it worked.