Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates Sausage (2005)

Chris Rock: Narrator

Quotes 

• Chris Rock : [When Chris breaks the window and all the kids point to him as the culprit]  Now where were these guys when Tupac got shot?

• Tonya : I hate sausage.

  Rochelle Rock : Oh, come on, baby. You haven't even tried it.

  Tonya : That's 'cause I hate sausage.

  Chris Rock : That look means "There's a smack over here if you want it."

• Chris Rock : [about his brother Drew]  All he had to do was see somebody do something and he could copy it. Today you call that a music producer.

• Chris Rock : I had a fight with Caruso, the school bully. He beat me so bad, I had to take the Underground Railroad home.

• Rochelle Rock : [to Tonya]  Now, I should send you to Africa, since you don't want to eat.

  Chris Rock : My mother could deal with a lot of things, but a child who wouldn't eat wasn't one of it.

• Joey Caruso : Why am I in trouble? You heard. He beat me up.

  Chris : No, I didn't.

  Joey Caruso : And he called me a white cracker.

  Chris Rock : Can you believe this cracker?

• Chris : Caruso's already beaten the heck out of me every day, and I can't even try to defend myself without getting sent to detention. You know, I can't take this.

  Greg Wuliger : Well, why don't you just punch him in the face? You did do it before.

  Chris : I didn't just walk up there and pow, punch him in the face. I had a plan which didn't include getting beat down, chased home and sent to detention.

  Chris Rock : It was like I was getting my ass kicked for getting my ass kicked.

• Chris Rock : I didn't tell my mother I was in detention because then she'd come up to school and there's nothing worse than a mad black woman at an all-white school.

• Rochelle Rock : [about Tonya not eating her sausage]  Julius, that little girl is testing me. And if I let her tell me what she will and won't eat; the next thing you know, she'll be telling me what she will and won't wear. Then the next thing you know, she'll be telling me when she will and won't come home! And then the next thing you know, she's going to end up pregnant and I ain't taking care of no babies.

  Chris Rock : My mother always thought anything that Tanya did wrong would eventually get her pregnant and she ain't taking care of no babies.

• Chris Rock : It took us about an hour to get my mother off of Tanya's behind, but eventually, Tanya did eat her sausage. And as for my mother, well, to this very day, she still ain't raising no babies.

• Chris Rock : There's "got your back" guys and "I'll be back" guys.

  [Greg runs away from Caruso] 

  Chris : Greg!

  Chris Rock : Greg was a "I'm running like a bitch" guy.