- Amy Barone: Here's the sweetest thing. Every night since our wedding, Robert gives me a little massage.
- Debra Barone: Oh, wow! You are so lucky.
- Amy Barone: Yeah. Although he kinda doesn't know his own strength so sometimes, when he squeezes, I feel like I'm being juiced.
- Robert Barone: It is always the nature of the female to gather with other females...
- Frank Barone: ...And screech like a tree full of Chinese monkeys.
- Marie Barone: You should all know better than to engage in idle gossip.
- Ray Barone: What are you talking about? You're the one who blabbed it to Debra about Choo-Choo Chulesky.
- Marie Barone: I do not blab. What I do comes from love. And if you want to know the truth, Debra is the worst gossip of us all.
- Debra Barone: Me? You're the one who once told me that Frank came to bed with a toupee on for you.
- Ray Barone: What?
- Frank Barone: This is an outrage, Marie! That was a hat I found on the street.
- Marie Barone: Oh, really? And what about what Debra told Amy last July?
- Debra Barone: What?
- Marie Barone: Debra told Amy that Raymond thought that Amy and Robert's marraige didn't have a chance in hell!
- Debra Barone: Marie! Who told you that?
- Amy Barone: Marie, I told you that in confidence.
- Debra Barone: Amy, how could you tell Marie that I said that?
- Ray Barone: Debra, how could you tell Amy what I told you?
- Robert Barone: My marraige doesn't have a chance in hell?
- [Debra belches loudly]
- Debra Barone: Ray, this is crazy. What, do you expect me to remember everything I've ever told Amy about you over the years?
- Ray Barone: Years? You've been doing this to me for years?
- Debra Barone: Look, okay, I realize you're upset and I will try to be more sensitive but I do talk to Amy about my life and I'm sorry but you happen to be a big part of my life.
- Ray Barone: Well, I'm sorry you and the other hens don't have anything better to do than to cluck around the henhouse like a gaggle of cluckity cluckin' hens!
- Linda Gruenfelder: I am such a sucker for that little boy thing in men. It's so endearing.
- Frank Barone: [comes in looking rather pathetic] Where's Marie? I lost my shoe.
- Ray Barone: I didn't say your marraige didn't have a chance in hell. The way that sounds. I- Alright, look. There are certain things that a man says to his wife when he's just trying to, I don't know, fill the silence!
- Robert Barone: Oh, now I understand. You're a hateful jerkface. And what I mean by that is that you're hateful and you're a jerkface.
- Ray Barone: You been walking around secretly thinking I'm a hateful jerkface but still acting all fake nice to me?
- Amy Barone: I haven't been that nice. A few months ago you got a haircut and everybody said, "Nice haircut, Ray." But I didn't.
- Ray Barone: How could you do that to me? I mean, that's terrible!
- Amy Barone: You hurt my feelings.
- Ray Barone: Still, you think someone's a hateful jerkface, you gotta tell them. I have feelings too.
- Robert Barone: Hateful jerkface. Feel better?