- Ray Barone: [to Debra] Just so you know, you could have had sex tonight. It was gonna be all new stuff.
- Ray Barone: All those sports books I read and all the sports I watched on TV, that's how I got to be where I'm at.
- [Marie reacts]
- Marie Barone: [long pause] "That's how I got to be where I'm at"?
- Ray Barone: Yeah, that's right.
- Marie Barone: You're a writer, and that's how you use the English language?
- Ray Barone: What? What are you talkin' about?
- Marie Barone: You do not end a sentence with "at."
- Ray Barone: Big deal, so I ended it with a proposition.
- Marie Barone: Preposition, it's a prep- Oh my God!
- Ray Barone: What? What are you getting so upset about?
- Marie Barone: Because this is the end of civilization! People like you don't want to work or learn anything because they're too busy with their remote control television or playing with their hula-hoops! And before you know it, that's where we're at!
- Frank Barone: Where the cookies at?
- Debra Barone: [Ray comes in the door] Oh, good. Get in there. Ally needs help with her homework.
- [Ray turns around and starts to head back out]
- Debra Barone: Hey, hey! Get back in here! Ray, come on. It's either help Ally or give the twins their bath.
- Ray Barone: Alright come here guys. Let me look at you.
- [He inspects the extremely dirty twins]
- Ray Barone: What'd, you strike oil? I'll do Ally.
- [He walks into the living room where Ally is sitting on the floor surrounded with books and papers]
- Ray Barone: Hey, Popeye. You look like you're doing pretty good here. You don't need my help do you?
- Ally Barone: Yes, I do.
- Ray Barone: Okay. Alright don't worry. Daddy's here to help you.
- [He picks up the remote and turns the TV on]
- Ally Barone: Mommy says no TV during homework.
- Ray Barone: Don't worry about Mommy.
- Debra Barone: Turn it off, Ray!
- [He obeys immediately]
- Ray Barone: Alright, let's see. What do you got?
- Ally Barone: I have to answer all these questions about Abraham Lincoln
- Ray Barone: Okay.
- Ally Barone: I have to do these three worksheets on fractions.
- Ray Barone: Alright.
- Ally Barone: And I have to make a diorama of a marine ecosystem.
- Ray Barone: [He stands up] Baths! I'll do the baths. I'm gonna do the baths!
- Marie Barone: [as Marie reads the following Ray chases Frank around the kitchen trying to steal from the last piece of pie] Based on the readings of Mark Twain's "Tom Sawyer", which of the following would you recommend for fifth grade homework and why? A, a book report including cover art and illustrations. B, an oral report using period music and costumes. C, a craft project based on the pre-industrial Mississippi land. D, a fictional diary on one of the characters. Raymond!
- [Frank pokes Ray in the chest]
- Ray Barone: Ow! What's wrong with you?
- Frank Barone: I like pie.
- Marie Barone: Raymond, pay attention. I'm gonna read you this again.
- Ray Barone: No, not again. I heard it already. How about we don't make the kids read "Tom Sawyer"?
- Marie Barone: What? It's an American classic.
- Ray Barone: All right, then I say A.
- Marie Barone: Good. Why?
- Ray Barone: B.
- Ray Barone: Sorry to disturb you, Your Highness. But while you were up here reading your latest kiss handsome boys book and rubbing lotion on your bunions, peasants were downstairs trying to build an ocean in a shoebox.
- Debra Barone: Are you complaining?
- Ray Barone: Am I complaining. I just did homework for two hours.
- Debra Barone: Well, then I guess that makes the score three million to two.
- Ray Barone: What, are you keeping track now? That is so petty.
- Ray Barone: [after Frank stabs Ray with fork] Ow!... What did you do that for?
- Frank Barone: I like pie!
- Ray Barone: I was up all night going over the material and, uh, well I just got a few things to say. You know, when I was a kid I always thought that we had too much homework and, um, since I hated all the homework I started to hate learning. In fact what I learned to do more than anything else was to avoid the work. Sorry to say I still try to avoid it whenever I can. Just ask my wife. But, you know, it seems to me that kids today, they've got ten times the homework that we had, you know? And I don't want my daughter to hate learning. I want here to be curious and thoughtful and get excited about new ideas. And most of all, and I think this is what we want for all our kids, I want her to be happy. I mean, I think there's homework that's important and everything and then I think there's overload. I mean, are we piling it on? You know we're so worried that the kids won't be competitive and that kids won't have a future that we're taking away their present. Anyway, you know, maybe we could just keep that in mind. Cause isn't that the type of school we want our kids to be at? I mean in. I mean of. I mean a part of. I mean, isn't that... isn't tha... isn't that the kind of school we want our children to be a part of? In.
- [Ray sits down and a board member turns to another member]
- Board Member: And you wanted to cut down on the English homework.