- Marie Barone: I have my own opinions. I'm not just some trophy wife.
- Frank Barone: Trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?
- Ray Barone: What do you know about it? Mom and Dad didn't return your gift. You don't know what it's like.
- Robert Barone: Oh, I'm sorry. You haven't read my book, "You're in the way. The Robert Barone story"?
- Ray Barone: That wasn't just a toaster, Ma. It said, "Merry Christmas. We love you. Michael, Geoffrey, Ally, Debra and Ray."
- Frank Barone: It spoke?
- Frank Barone: What if I wanted to have more kids?
- Ray Barone: If God hasn't stopped you, the government will.
- Ray Barone: I'm a doofus, okay? I admit it. Come on, who am I kidding? Look at me. I'm a goofy doofus with a foofy toaster.