- Jo Polniaczek: Mrs. Garrett, I have tried reasoning with her like a civilized person, but it's impossible!
- Blair Warner: Civilized? John McEnroe could give you lessons in etiquette!
- Jo Polniaczek: Would you stop doing that?
- Blair Warner: What?
- Jo Polniaczek: Sighing.
- Blair Warner: I don't sigh.
- Jo Polniaczek: Well if it isn't a sigh, you've got a slow leak!
- [first lines]
- Jo Polniaczek: [in overcrowded bathroom, Blair's hairdryer is causing amok] Hey...! Farrah! You're messing my toothbrush!
- Blair Warner: I need puff.
- Jo Polniaczek: Puff?
- Blair Warner: It's a Blair Warner trademark. Puff is the difference between my hair... and your hair.
- [continues blowing her hair]
- Jo Polniaczek: Yeah. That, and a barrel of Born Blonde.
- Natalie Green: [re the cold] It's not that bad.
- Blair Warner: Maybe not for you. But a Warner is like a delicate soufflé.
- Jo Polniaczek: Yeah, light and empty.
- Blair Warner: Me? She's completely unreasonable, Mrs. Garrett! She hates it when I breathe!
- Jo Polniaczek: That sound makes me crazy! If you were my bike, I'd give you a lube job!
- Natalie Green: Look, a little suffering is good for the soul.
- Jo Polniaczek: Forget it, Natalie. Suffering is a word unknown to the Warner clan.
- Blair Warner: How do you know that? Happens to be true, but how would you know?
- Jo Polniaczek: Because I know you, Blair. I've seen you under fire.
- Blair Warner: Are you saying I'm not any good in a crisis?
- Jo Polniaczek: Aw, to you a crisis is running out of Oil of Olay.