- Randy Newman: [singing about what he sees] Fat man with his kids and dog... Drove in through the morning fog... Hey there, rover, come on over.
- Lois Griffin: Well, it's nice to have music while we eat.
- Randy Newman: Red headed lady reaching for an apple... gonna take a bite... uhh, nope nope... she gonna breath on it first... wipes it on her blouse...
- Randy Newman: [pauses] She takes a bite... chews it once... twice... three times... four times... stops...
- Randy Newman: [Lois glares at him] Saliva working... takes a long hard look at Randy... Five times... Fat ol' husband walkin' over.
- Lois Griffin: Let's get the hell out of here.
- Randy Newman: They walkin' down the road... left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, lef...
- [Lois throws the apple at him]
- Peter Griffin: [Peter is trying to convince Lois that the world is ending and trying to get her to go to the basement, but Lois is refusing] Honey, are you pregnant?
- Lois Griffin: No, why?
- [Shoves Lois down the stairs]
- [Peter has just eaten all the dehydrated food rations]
- Lois Griffin: Peter, you just ate a year's worth of food!
- Peter Griffin: Huh. What a waste of money. I'm still hungry.
- [Peter drinks a glass of water, then immediately balloons to several times his size]
- Peter Griffin: Everybody leave. I have to poop. *NOW!*
- [the family runs away]
- Cleveland Brown: Guns only lead to trouble.
- Peter Griffin: That's right. And when trouble comes, we'll be ready to blow its freakin' head off.
- Guy in Chicken Suit: [to Peter, he holds a coupon out] Excuse me, sir, would you like a coupon?
- Peter Griffin: Oh, no, thank you, I don't trust giant chickens any more.
- [goes to flashback]
- Peter Griffin: Oh, uh, the nice chicken outside gave me a coupon.
- Cashier: [looks at coupon] Oh, I'm sorry but this coupon expired yesterday.
- Peter Griffin: [Peter looks at chicken outside] Son of a...
- [jumps out window and tackles the chicken]
- Meg Griffin: Yeah, why are we here in this bomb shelter when I could be getting felt up by Kevin?
- Lois Griffin: Now don't give it to him all at once, honey, make him work for it.
- [a U.S. map at a military base shows 'Happy New Year' lit up on the map]
- Military Sergeant: Very nice, lieutenant.
- Military Tech Guy: Actually, each one of those lights represents a missile launching by itself. The pattern is just a coincidence.
- Military Sergeant: Come to think of it, that Y is a bit off. Still, it looks nice.
- Lois Griffin: Look, Peter, people!
- Jorad: Halt!
- Peter Griffin: Uh-oh!
- Jorad: I am Jorad. I and my band of highway warriors control this territory. Do you have any food?
- Peter Griffin: Ah, no, that that's why we're on the road.
- Jorad: Then you may not pass until you answer the following question. Name something you take on a picnic.
- Meg Griffin: A blanket!
- Brian Griffin: Potato salad!
- Chris Griffin: Chicken!
- Lois Griffin: Merlot
- Stewie Griffin: A dead Lois!
- Peter Griffin: Ah, ah, ah, okay, ah, we're gonna go with potato salad.
- Jorad: Show me potato salad!
- [points at sky. Peter and Lois look. Jorad and Highway warriors look]
- Peter Griffin: [whispers] Maybe we should go now.
- [Peter and Lois back away slowly]
- Bill Clinton: [Sees nuclear missiles falling everywhere] Aw what the hell, come here, Hillary.
- [They kiss]
- Guy in Chicken Suit: The world is gonna end at midnight tonight. Y2K.
- Peter Griffin: Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly?
- Peter Griffin: I'm the one who gave elocution lessons to Rosie Perez!
- Townsfolk: That's nothing to be proud of.
- Peter Griffin: Hey don' be stupiid, she speak good and every-ting.
- Brian Griffin: They ate Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa!
- Peter Griffin: Why? They're just going to be hungry again in an hour.
- Peter Griffin: Ohh 'village idiot', that's a good one. On Thursdays you get to wave your penis in traffic!
- Peter Griffin: Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids! Damn long-ears! Tryin' to take Easter away from Jesus.
- Peter Griffin: Hey guys. You know that one Christmas present you really wanted, but didn't get?
- Meg Griffin: A phone?
- Chris Griffin: A pony?
- Brian Griffin: A humidor?
- Stewie Griffin: A dead Lois?
- Meg Griffin: It's just not fair. I finally get date with Kevin and he gets vaporized!
- Chris Griffin: He's just using that as an excuse. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!