Family Guy (TV Series)

I Never Met the Dead Man (1999)

Lori Alan: Diane Simmons, Velma Dinkley

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tom Tucker : Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined ammount of time. Of course no one can see this news program so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?

  Diane Simmons : Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.

  [they laugh] 

  Cameraman : You guys, we're still on in Boston.

  [Tom and Diane stare in horror] 

• [the cable television transmitter was knocked out] 

  Tom Tucker : Diane, that last report was so good, you deserve a spanking.

  Diane Simmons : Oh, Tom... I don't think your wife would like that.

  Tom Tucker : My wife is a bitter old hag, she's in Quahog and cant hear a word we're saying.

  Director : Uh, guys, we're back on in Quahog.

• Peter Griffin : Huh, I wonder what Scooby and the gang are up to?

  [Scooby-Doo theme plays] 

  TV Announcer : We now return to The Scooby-Doo Murder Files.

  Fred Jones : Gee whiz, gang. Looks like the killer gutted the victim, strangled him with his own intestines and then dumped the body in the river.

  Velma Dinkley : Jinkies! What a mystery!

  Scooby-Doo : [jumps on Shaggy's arms]  Arroo!

  Fred Jones : You're right Scoob, we're dealing with one sick son of a bitch!