- Carl: I needed a good laugh.
- Steve Urkel: You know, every time you laugh you burn off three and a half calories?
- Carl: Maybe I should laugh a little bit more, huh?
- Steve Urkel: Honest, Eddo. I'm telling the truth. It's a scientific fact: rats just can't vomit.
- Eddie Winslow: Steve, who cares?
- Steve Urkel: A guy sitting in front of a rat on a roller coaster.
- Harriette Winslow: I wonder why Carl's not home yet.
- Rachel Crawford: Oh, Harriette. You're really worried about him, aren't you?
- Harriette Winslow: Oh, no.
- Rachel Crawford: Oh, really? Then why are you baking the salad?
- Harriette Winslow: [Takes salad out of the oven and looks at it] It's done.
- Carl: I'm going to shoot the lock off.
- Steve Urkel: [gestures to the cattle on the car] Uh Carl, does the word *stampede* mean anything to you?
- Carl: Steve, I told you to stay in the car!
- Steve Urkel: Well you were gone a long time, and the human bladder can only hold 14 ounces.