Fat Actress (TV Series)

Big Butts (2005)

Kirstie Alley: Kirstie Alley

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Kirstie Alley : [weighing herself]  Oh, my God!

• Kirstie Alley : [answering her cell phone]  What?

  Sam Rascal : Kirstie? Sam. I didn't mean to offend you with the Jenny Craig offer, alright. But the money is fantastic, and it's gonna keep your face out there, and frankly that's what the networks are gonna wanna see, you know.

  Kirstie Alley : Yeah. You know, Sam, here's a news flash, okay? I'm an actress and I do television. I do television, Sam. I want my own television show. Is it so much to ask if I want my own television show again, since that's what I do for a living?

  Sam Rascal : The reality is if you wanna get your own show, you're gonna have to lose some weight.

  Kirstie Alley : Well, why can't I just get a show first and then lose the weight.

  Sam Rascal : That's not the way it works, my friend.

  Kirstie Alley : You know what, my friend, it does work that way with the guys. I mean, look at John Goodman, he's got his own show! And Jason Alexander? He looks like a fricken bowling ball, and how about James Gadol... uh... fino! He's like the size of a whale. He is way, way, *way* fatter than I am! Alright? And do you think... Sam, listen to me, listen to me! Do you think they said to Marlon Brando, listen, hey Marlon, you're a little bit too fuckin fat to do Apocalypse.

  Sam Rascal : But they are all *men*.

  Kirstie Alley : I can play a man! I am an actress.

• Kirstie Alley : I want some fries. Where are my fries?

  [shouts outside the car window] 

  Kirstie Alley : Can't you people learn to speak English? You live in the friggin' United States of America! I ordered french fries!

• Kevyn Shecket : Did you see yourself on the cover of "Star" magazine this week?

  Kirstie Alley : Ugh. How much do I weigh now?

  Kevyn Shecket : Three sixty.

• [last lines] 

  Kirstie Alley : Pretty.

  [sings] 

  Kirstie Alley : I am pretty, I am pretty, I am pretty, I am pretty.