Father Ted (TV Series)

Entertaining Father Stone (1995)

Dermot Morgan: Father Ted Crilly

Photos 

Quotes 

• Father Ted Crilly : God I hate hospitals.

  Father Dougal McGuire : Do you ever notice it's usually sick people who end up in hospitals?

• Father Dougal McGuire : Did you ever see that film, Ted, where your man has his head transplanted onto a fly, and the fly's head was transplanted onto the man?

  Father Ted Crilly : Oh, yes... what was it called...?

  Father Dougal McGuire : Out Of Africa, I think. Anyway, your man has the head of the fly and he's chasing his wife all over the place and she's hiding the jam and everything so he won't get stuck in it...

  Father Ted Crilly : I'll have to stop you there, Dougal.

  Father Dougal McGuire : Yes, Ted?

  Father Ted Crilly : No reason. I just have to stop you.

• Father Dougal McGuire : Father Stone's been in there a long time hasn't he? Do you think he's dead?

  Father Ted Crilly : Probably doing tests.

  Father Dougal McGuire : What sort of tests? General knowledge?

• [In the hospital waiting area] 

  Father Dougal McGuire : Who would have thought being hit by lightening would land you in hospital?

  Father Ted Crilly : What? What are you talking about? Of course it can land you in hospital

  Father Dougal McGuire : Well it's not usually serious is it Ted. I mean, I was hit by lightening a few times and I never had to go to hospital.

  Father Ted Crilly : Yes Dougal, but you're different from most people. All that happened to you was that balloons kept sticking to you.

• Father Ted Crilly : Old women are closer to God than we'll ever be. They get to that age and they don't need the operator anymore. They've got the direct line.

• Father Dougal McGuire : How did you meet him in the first place?

  Father Ted Crilly : He was introduced to me by Father Jim Dougan, we were at a conference. Dougan came up and said "This is Father Stone" and ran out of the building.

• Father Dougal : Did you ever see that film, Ted, where your man has his head transplanted onto a fly, and the fly's head was transplanted onto the man?

  Father Ted : Oh, yes... what was it called...?

  Father Dougal : "Out Of Africa", I think. Anyway, your man has the head of the fly and he's chasing his wife all over the place and she's hiding the jam and everything so he won't get stuck in it...

  Father Ted : I'll have to stop you there, Dougal.

  Father Dougal : Yes, Ted?

  Father Ted : No reason. I just have to stop you.

• Father Dougal : How did you meet him in the first place?

  Father Ted : He was introduced to me by Father Jim Dougan, we were at a conference. Dougan came up and said "This is Father Stone", and ran out of the building.