- Father Dougal: [at the Airport] I think this is the greatest moment of my life!
- Mrs. Doyle: Me too!
- Father Jack Hackett: [shouts] Big bras!
- Fr. Buzz Cagney: You know what I do with $400? I wipe my ass with it.
- Father Ted: Good God. And can that still be used as legal tender?
- Fr. Buzz Cagney: I know they're gonna love ya in the States, Ted. You put on a show! But remember, it's a competitive market! You'll be up against Billy Graham and those Nation of Islam guys! You gotta get your own inch, you gotta grab 'em! You know where to grab 'em?
- Father Ted: Yeah, by the balls!
- Fr. Buzz Cagney: I was gonna say by the shoulders...