Father Ted (TV Series)

The Mainland (1998)

John Henderson: Tour Guide

Photos 

Quotes 

• Father Dougal McGuire : How come all the rocks are different sizes?

  Tour Guide : Well, you know, rocks are generally different sizes.

  Father Dougal McGuire : Wow. I'm finding out all kinds of things I never knew about rocks.

• Tour Guide : This particular cave was formed more than 15 million years ago.

  Father Ted Crilly : Wow. I don't believe it.

  [the man in front of Ted turns around, it's the actor Richard Wilson from 'One Foot in the Grave'] 

  Richard Wilson : You again!

  [he grabs Ted and pulls his jacket over his head] 

  Richard Wilson : I never want to see you again! Bastard!

  [Ted and Dougal run away] 

  Tour Guide : That path's not open to the...! Oh, Mr. Wilson, could I just say how sorry I am...

  Richard Wilson : No, that's alright, that's alright. As long as I don't have to hear that bloody catchphrase again.

  [the tour guide tries not to laugh] 

  Tour Guide : [voiceover]  I don't believe it! I don't belieeve it!