Fawlty Towers (TV Series)

The Germans (1975)

Ballard Berkeley: Major Gowen

Photos 

Quotes 

• Manuel : Ohh, he hit me on the head.

  Major Gowen : No! You hit HIM on the head. You naughty moose!

  German Guest : How ever did they win?

• Manuel : [practicing his English while cleaning behind and beneath the front desk]  How are you, sir? You see, I speak English well. I learn it from a book... Hello... I am English... Helloooo...

  [Manuel continues as Major walks into the room] 

  Manuel : [unseen]  How are you, sir?... I can speak English.

  [Major looks at the moose head on the desk, thinking it's talking to him, and turns away astonished] 

  Manuel : [popping up for a moment and spotting the major]  Ah, hello, Major. How are you today?

  [Manuel returns beneath the front desk] 

  Major Gowen : [Major turns to look nervously at the moose head, not spotting Manuel]  Well, buh, buh, buh, I-I-I'm fine, thank you.

  Manuel : [back to reciting is lessons]  Is a beautiful day today.

  Major Gowen : Is it? Oh-oh-oh, yes, yes, I suppose it is.

  Manuel : Yes, I can speak English... I learned it from a book.

  Major Gowen : Did you? Did you really?

• [Basil has accidentally set off the burglar alarm during the fire drill, guests start walking out of the building thinking it's the fire alarm, but Basil stops them all in the lobby] 

  Mrs. Wilson : Oh, I thought there was a drill.

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, there is, at twelve o'clock, but not yet.

  Mrs. Wilson : But, it IS twelve o'clock.

  Basil Fawlty : Well not quite, thank you.

  Basil Fawlty : [to other guests trying to leave]  Excuse me!

  Mrs. Sharp : Yes.

  Mrs. Wilson : Well, I make it twelve o'clock.

  Basil Fawlty : [to guests]  I'm afraid that wasn't the...

  Mrs. Wilson : What time do you make it, Major?

  Basil Fawlty : [annoyed]  Look...

  Major Gowen : Burglars about, I think.

  Basil Fawlty : Look, it doesn't matter what time he makes it, it hasn't started yet.

  Mrs. Sharp : What?

  Basil Fawlty : It hasn't started yet!

  Mrs. Sharp : But, that was the bell, wasn't it?

  Basil Fawlty : No!

  Mrs. Wilson : He means "the drill" hasn't started yet.

  Mr. Sharp : What drill? We didn't hear a drill.

  Basil Fawlty : [trying to explain]  No, no-no-no, look, look - that was the burglar alarm.

  Major Gowen : See!

  Mrs. Wilson : The burglar alarm?

  Basil Fawlty : Yes!

  Mrs. Wilson : Are there burglars?

  Major Gowen : Evidently!

• Major Gowen : The strange thing was that throughout the morning, she kept referring to the Indians as niggers. 'No, no, I said'. 'Niggers are the West Indians, these people are wogs!' 'No, no', she said, all cricketers are niggers.'

• Major Gowen : I must have been keen on her because I took her to see India.

  Basil Fawlty : India?

  Major Gowen : At The Oval.

• Major Gowen : I hate Germans! I love women.

  Polly Sherman : What about German women?

  Major Gowen : Good card players.

• Mrs. Wilson : [after Basil has explained that the earlier bell was the burglar alarm, not the fire bell]  Look, how on earth can you expect us to tell which bell is which?

  [Basil sighs in exasperation] 

  Mrs. Wilson : We haven't heard them yet, have we?

  [Looks round at the other guests] 

  Basil Fawlty : You want to hear them? Right, suits me! Here's the burglar alarm.

  [Turns it on] 

  Major Gowen : Ought we to catch them first?

  Basil Fawlty : There *aren't* any.

  Major Gowen : Then why does the alarm keep going...

  Basil Fawlty : [sighs]  Alright, got that? Right.

  [Turns the alarm off] 

  Mrs. Wilson : What's happening now?

  Basil Fawlty : [Ignoring her]  Now, here's the fire bell, right?

  [Turns it on] 

  Basil Fawlty : It's a completely different sound, listen.

  [the guests start to leave] 

  Basil Fawlty : Well, where are you going?

  Mrs. Wilson : Well, there is a drill, isn't there?

  Basil Fawlty : [Jumping up and down in exasperation]  No, no, no-no-no! This is so you can hear the bell so you know in a moment when I *ring* the bell! What are you doing? Will you come back?

  Two women : We're going outside.

  Basil Fawlty : No! Look, just listen to it, you old fools!

  Two women : What?

  Basil Fawlty : Listen to it!

  [Manuel enters, gesturing frantically] 

  Manuel : Fire, fire, everybody out, please...

  Basil Fawlty : NO!

  [Manuel continues to herd everyone out] 

  Basil Fawlty : Will you shut up?

  Manuel : Out...

  Basil Fawlty : [shouting over him]  Look, will you shut up?

  Manuel : Is fire...

  Basil Fawlty : Is *not* fire, is only bell!

  [Manuel continues to protest. Polly start to head upstairs] 

  Basil Fawlty : Where are *you* going?

  Polly Shearman : Upstairs.

  Polly Shearman : There isn't a drill yet! I'm just showing them what the bell sounds like!