- Uncle Pockets: [singing] I'm a professional friend imaginary / When I return, I'm never weary / I'm a professional friend imaginary / I love everyone... except Gary. You know what you did! Nah, just kidding.
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Best imaginary friend ever, eh? He's using a knife for pizza. Sus-*pee*-cious!
- Uncle Pockets: S-Stop looking at me with such disdain. Please, I can explain.
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: No, allow me to explain. It was a dark and stormy night when everyone's favorite Uncle Pockets arrived.
- Mr. Herriman: That's preposterous. It was morning and quite sunny.
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: I said, allow *me*.
- Frances "Frankie" Foster: Sounds like someone's a little jealous.
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Not jealous. Journalis... t.
- Mac: Bloo, have you ever read "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"?
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: You know I don't read.
- Mac: Well, maybe you should start.
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: [Reads "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"] Let's see... there's a boy... who lies... lies some more... again with the lying... he tells the truth... nobody believes him... kid gets eaten by a wolf. Well, that was a colossal waste of time. What does that have to do with anything?
- Uncle Pockets: [Uncle Pockets, considered to be "the best imaginary friend ever" has returned to Foster's] When I was first imagined I was happy as could be / but through the years my boy matured and he grew too old for me / without a home to call my own I wandered in the streets / until I met a sweet old Madame and she said "Come with me!" / she took me in, gave me a bed, and three square meals a day / through the years I watched Foster's grow but not long did I stay / a sweet little girl adopted me and I became her friend / but she too grew and returned me here where I was adopted again and again.
- [starts singing]
- Uncle Pockets: I'm a professional friend, imaginary / I've had kids tall, short, and hairy / I'm a professional friend, imaginary / I'm agreeable to all, except dairy.
- Wilt: How many kids have you had?
- Uncle Pockets: More than you could count!
- Eduardo: But don't you ever miss them?
- Uncle Pockets: Not even a small amount!
- Uncle Pockets: [singing] I'm a professional friend, imaginary / upon return I'm never wary / I'm a professional friend, imaginary / I love everyone, except Gary!
- [to Gary]
- Uncle Pockets: You know what you did! Just kidding!
- [he laughs]
- Uncle Pockets: [continues singing] I'm a professional friend, imaginary / I'm tops on the best friend list / I'm a professional friend, imaginary / the best friend to exist / the best friend to exist / the best friend to... E-XIST! / the best friend to exist!
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: [scowling] Pssh! Anyone can do that!
- [starts singing, mocking Uncle Pockets; Mac watches him]
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: La-la-la, look at me / dancing around / my name's Bloo / I'm the best... around.
- Mac: You just rhymed "around" with "around".
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: [imitating Mac] "You just wehn ah-meh neh meh-neh."
- Mac: Bloo, you ever read the story about the boy who cried "wolf"?
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: You know I don't read!
- Mac: Maybe you should start.
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: [Reading the Boy Who Cried Wolf] Okay. There's a boy... he lies... he lies some more... again with the lying. Finally he tells the truth... no one believes him... he gets eaten by a wolf. Well, that was a colossal waste of time! What does that have to do with anything?
- [the phone rings. Bloo answers it]
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Newsroom.
- Mac: [on the pay phone] Bloo!
- Blooregard "Bloo" Q. Kazoo: Mac? Glad you called. That is the last time I take a book recommendation from YOU.