- Daphne Moon: So did Simon get you home all right after dropping my family at the airport?
- Roz Doyle: Oh, yeah. He entertained the whole neighborhood trying to parallel park the Winnebago. The highlight was when he flattened a whole row of newspaper racks.
- Martin Crane: How many did he get? My record's five.
- Daphne Moon: I suppose he followed that up with some sort of clumsy advance?
- Roz Doyle: Oh, he tried, but I told him to get lost. Then he hit on my babysitter! She showed him why she's the star of her JV soccer team.
- Daphne Moon: You know, Mum claims he was dropped as a child. I think he was thrown.
- Roz Doyle: Daphne, Simon's opening your gifts.
- Daphne Moon: Bloody hell!
- [runs out]
- Simon Moon: Roz, you little snitch! You know, I'm having serious doubts about whether you're going to be the future mother of my children.
- Roz Doyle: Somewhere out there, the future mother of your children just lifted her head from a puddle of drool.
- Simon Moon: Yeah, but I'll bet she's got a ripper body!
- [first lines; Daphne and Niles are fleeing her wedding in Martin's Winnebago]
- Dr. Niles Crane: I can't believe this!
- Daphne Moon: Neither can I!
- Dr. Niles Crane: What made you change your mind?
- Daphne Moon: My little niece, Audrey, the flower girl. She looked up at me and said, "You're the saddest bride I've ever seen." I figured, who was I kidding if I couldn't fool a four year old with an eye patch?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Remind me to give her a car for her preschool graduation.
- Daphne Moon: [fleeing her wedding] I've never done anything this crazy. Are you nervous?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Only that I'm going to wake up.
- [Simon has been opening the gifts from Daphne's canceled wedding]
- Daphne Moon: That's stealing! These gifts are going back!
- Simon Moon: Never! Returning used merchandise is unethical, and I, for one, will never be party to it.
- Martin Crane: Oh, look. Isn't that my Winnebago pulling out from the gas station?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, I'd say so. You know, Dad, I'm amazed you let Simon drive that thing.
- Martin Crane: Oh, it'll be fine. I gave him a lecture about drinking and driving.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: He did understand you were *discouraging* it?
- Martin Crane: [laughing] Of course...
- [reconsiders]
- Martin Crane: Uh-oh.
- Dr. Niles Crane: What are you doing?
- Daphne Moon: Returning gifts.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, right. You know, that's one thing Mel and I avoided by eloping. No gifts to return when you, uh... when...
- Simon Moon: When you shag someone else's wife?
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: I've decided to make this as painless as possible. You will have your divorce, Niles, and it will be quick and clean.
- Dr. Niles Crane: That's very generous...
- Dr. Mel Karnofsky: Hold your applause, there are some conditions.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Since we eloped, some of Mel's colleagues decided to throw a little last minute get-together to toast our nuptials.
- Martin Crane: Well, after Donny gets through with Frasier, you won't be the only one having your nuptials toasted.