Frasier (TV Series)

And the Dish Ran Away with the Spoon: Part 2 (2000)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• [forced to make a toast at Niles and Mel's "wedding reception."] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Love... is an awesome force. It can make us do things we never imagined possible. For you see, we don't actually choose love, it chooses us. And once it has, we are powerless to do anything about it. Ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses with me in toasting my brother, and the love of his life. For she is truly the woman of his dreams, and my father and I could not be more thrilled with his choice. To the happy couple!

• Daphne Moon : Explain to me again how you and Mel masquerading as husband and wife is a good thing?

  Dr. Niles Crane : Well...

  Dr. Frasier Crane : If I may? Uh, Daphne, it's basically to give Mel a little wiggle room so she can get out of this debacle with her dignity intact.

  Daphne Moon : [takes Niles's hand]  And what about Niles' dignity?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, Maris got that in the divorce.

  [laughing] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Sorry, Niles.

• [Frasier has offered to take Daphne out to get her mind off her troubles, but she has declined] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Sure you won't change your mind?

  Daphne Moon : Positive.

  [Simon comes back from walking Eddie] 

  Simon Moon : Hello! We've just finished our daily constitutional, with young Edward here dropping a few amendments along the way. So what's on the docket for tonight then?

  Daphne Moon : All I want is a quiet evening at home.

  Simon Moon : Oh, Stilts, you and I are of one mind. I'll hoist a beer while you get dinner started. And then when our bellies are full and you've done the dishes, we will adjourn to the Winnebago, where Mr. Jean-Claude Van Damme, the "Muscles From Brussels" will ply his trade against the forces of evil.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Ready at eight?

  Daphne Moon : Make it seven-thirty.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, hear me now, this day forward, Frasier Crane will not interfere with those two! This is it! Finished, finito! Non quam postea!

  Martin Crane : Uh-huh.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [Frasier has sworn off helping Niles and Daphne anymore]  I know I've made declarations like this before, but I tell you what, Dad, you mark the calendar! You note the time on your watch!

  [points to his own] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : This - Is - It!

  Martin Crane : Well, if you figure out a way to get them back together, I'll be in my room if you need any help.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Have you been listening to me?

  Martin Crane : Well, I tried not to, but some of it still got through.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm waiting!

  Dr. Niles Crane : For what?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : An apology. For that unprovoked broadside you leveled at me.

  Dr. Niles Crane : You expect me to apologize to you?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Expect it, sir, and demand it!

  Dr. Niles Crane : Well, then, here's my answer: No!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No?

  Dr. Niles Crane : [heading for the door]  No! And furthermore, why don't you take your broadside, stuff it in a chair, and keep your unlimited supply of opinions, suggestions, proposals, and recommendations to yourself?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I never!

  Dr. Niles Crane : No, you always!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : GET OUT!