Frasier (TV Series)

Coots and Ladders (2004)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Martin Crane : Still looking at those old pictures, huh?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yeah.

  Martin Crane : It's funny, isn't it?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : What?

  Martin Crane : How suddenly your whole life can change. I never would've dreamed back then that I'd end up getting married again, at my age, and to someone so young and full of pep.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm very happy for you and Ronee.

  Martin Crane : That's the way it is. Just when you think that you're in a rut, and nothing exciting will ever happen to you again, Pow! That's when it does.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Maybe you're right.

  Martin Crane : I know I'm right.

• Dr. Niles Crane : This better be a real emergency, Frasier. You pulled me away from the Gifted Infants Toy Expo.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, yes, you missed out on buying a Tickle Me Tolstoy doll.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : You know, perhaps in the spirit of détente, I could, uh, buy you some coffee?

  Willa Haver : Oh, well, that is so sweet of you, but I can't right now.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, well, perhaps tomorrow?

  Willa Haver : Uh, no tomorrow's no good either.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Next week, perhaps?

  Willa Haver : Next week, uh, I'll be out of town.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You know, I'm-I'm not sure if we're having a devil of a time coordinating our schedules or you're just giving me a polite brush-off.

  [Saying nothing, she beeps her car alarm and leaves] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [as she gets in her car, dejectedly]  OK, now I'm sure.

• Roland : [Roland notices Niles fumbling on the ladder]  What are you doing?

  Dr. Niles Crane : I, uh...

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Uh, I can tell from the panic in my brother's voice that he must have seen a spider. You see, he has a crippling fear of spiders, and it sent him up the ladder.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Yes, I hate spiders.

  Sarah : I didn't see a spider. Come back down.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No!

  Roland : Why not?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Because he also has a crippling fear of heights. This may be just the breakthrough we've been looking for. Higher, Niles! Conquer your fear!

  [Niles - believably - feigns terror] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Please, everyone, I'm going to have to ask you to turn around, as his fear of crowds has set in.

  Sarah : Crowds, too?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, you are looking at that rarest of beasts, the arachno-acro-agoraphobe.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Your advice was spot on.

  Roz Doyle : It should be. I've heard you say the same stuff for ten years now. Confront your emotions, communicate, seek counseling.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I didn't realize my advice had become so predictable.

  Roz Doyle : Well, it's not your fault everyone calls with the same dumb-ass problems.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : They're not the same problems. What about that--that caller last week, the sleepwalking transvestite who kept breaking off his heels in sewer grates?

  Roz Doyle : Yeah, I remember him. You told him to seek counseling.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [indignant]  Yes, I also told him to wear flats.