Frasier (TV Series)

Everyone's a Critic (1999)

Jane Leeves: Daphne Moon

Quotes 

• Martin Crane : Remember last week when Eddie killed his first rat? And how proud I was? I told you that story, right?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, Dad, you told us. If you had a guitar you would have written a ballad.

  Martin Crane : Well, we were just down in the basement and I saw another rat. I said, "go get him, boy!" So just as he picked him up, had him in his teeth, shaking the life out of him, and I hear this little bell, ting-a-ling. And I thought, "that's funny - rats don't wear bells!"

  Daphne Moon : Oh, little Robbie Greenberg's missing hamster.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, I read that flyer. He was offering a ten dollar reward.

  Martin Crane : Well, the most we can claim at this point is about six-fifty.

• Dr. Niles Crane : I simply phoned the box office and said this is Niles Crane, the new arts critic for "The Monocle".

  Daphne Moon : "The Monocle". Isn't that that magazine they hand out to rich people in all the snootiest apartment buildings?

  Dr. Niles Crane : [proudly]  And the snootiest hotels.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : My God, it's for the Cecilia Bartoli concert! My God, they've been sold out for months. How on earth did you score these tickets?

  Dr. Niles Crane : I simply phoned the box office and said this is Niles Crane, the new arts critic for The Monocle.

  Daphne Moon : The Monocle. Isn't that that magazine they hand out to rich people in all the snootiest apartment buildings?

  Dr. Niles Crane : And the snootiest hotels.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : How could this happen, Niles?

  Dr. Niles Crane : I was at a party thrown by the publisher, Olga Suerbread. The pretentious fop who had the job before me was there too, spouting sheer drivel about Leonard Bernstein. Being polite, I kept my tongue sheathed. Until he referred to Bernstein's conducting as "overrated."

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [indignant]  I assume you pounced?

  Dr. Niles Crane : [dignified]  Like a ninja! By the time I had finished with him, Olga could see I was a far better critic than that arrogant poseur.

  Daphne Moon : She fired him right there?

  Dr. Niles Crane : Well, he was leaving anyway for his junior year abroad.