- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Realizes that Niles is still going to do his imaginary date] Daphne... is cooking dinner... for your date with a fictitious woman. Why not just set a place for the March Hare and the Mad Hatter?
- Dr. Niles Crane: I didn't plan for this to happen, but we are having the most perfect evening! I'm feeling my confidence return, I just need a few more minutes alone, and I'll be able to tell her everything.
- [the doorbell rings]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles, the longer you continue with this absurd lie, the more likely it is to blow up in your face!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Why are you always such a doomsayer? As long as I keep track of what I'm saying, nothing is going to blow up on anyone!
- [He opens the door, and finds Phyllis standing there]
- Dr. Niles Crane: Phyllis!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [sarcastic] Ka-boom!
- Daphne Moon: Well, this woman you're so in love with. Who is she?
- Dr. Niles Crane: You didn't hear that part, did you?
- Daphne Moon: No, so come on! What's her name? You can't back out now.
- Dr. Niles Crane: No, you're right, I can't. Ok, her name. Well, her name just happens to be... Da - Phyllis.
- Daphne Moon: Oh, I've never heard that name. DaPhyllis.
- Dr. Niles Crane: It's a family name. Her friends call her Phyllis. 'Scuse me.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Daphne, this place looks wonderful. And excellent choice of music, I love this aria!
- Daphne Moon: Yes, she has a gorgeous voice, doesn't she? It's a pity she never got quite the recognition of a Joan Sutherland or a Renata Tebaldi.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I had no idea you knew so much about sopranos.
- Daphne Moon: Yeah, well, you don't live with your brother for five years and not learn a thing or two about divas.
- Martin Crane: Hey, Fras.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Hi, Dad.
- Martin Crane: Look, I got some bad news. I guess there isn't a good way to tell you something like this. Your god-uncle died.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [confused] My... god-uncle?
- [Martin nods]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: There's no such thing as a god-uncle.
- Martin Crane: Yes there is! It's your godfather's brother. You remember your god-uncle Charlie.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No! I barely even remember my godfather, he died twenty years ago.
- Martin Crane: Oh, yeah? Well now his brother's dead too, so shake a leg! The wake's in twenty minutes.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, you know as much as I'd like to pay my respects, catch up with my god-cousins and meet the god-neighbors, I have some urgent business that just can't wait until later.
- Daphne Moon: [Daphne comes in with a bowl] All right, here's your popcorn... and the remote. There, enjoy your show.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Martin gives him a sour look] Oh, all right! One hour! I don't even know why I'm going. The man was a ghoul, he used to hide his glass eye in my marble bag!
- Martin Crane: I knew you remembered him!
- Roz Doyle: Oh, well who would have thought it? Mr. PBS watching a trashy mini-series.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I don't think it's trashy at all! In fact, I think the intricacies of the plot are downright Dickensian.
- Roz Doyle: Yeah, Angie Dickensian!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Hello, Niles. Ooh, Niles, you'd be smart to get out of here. Dad's dragging me off to a wake for my god-uncle Charlie.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Is he the one who used to plop his eyeball into his mashed potatoes and say "I'm watching what I eat"?