Frasier (TV Series)
Frasier Grinch (1995)
David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane
Photos
Quotes
-
Niles : [Frasier's gift for Freddie got lost in the mail] The Cranes of Maine have got your Living Brain!
-
Frederick Gaylord Crane : Goodnight, Uncle Niles.
Niles : Goodnight, Frederick.
Frederick Gaylord Crane : I hope Aunt Maris comes out of her coma.
[runs off to bed]
Niles : [Martin and Frasier are staring at him] He asked where she was, I thought the truth would only upset him.
-
Frasier : [opens a package] Dad, I'm sorry, if Frederick's anything like me, the kind of toys he'll like to play with are...
[looks in the box]
Frasier : A kitchen set, a dollhouse and three kinds of Barbies! This is for a Franklin Crane from Kenibunkport. God, you realize what this means?
Niles : [deadpan] Yes. The Cranes of Maine have got your Living Brain.
-
Waitress : I'm sorry sir, your card didn't clear. I have to do this.
[cuts up Niles's credit card]
Niles : Wait, wait! What are you doing?
Waitress : The computer said "credit cancelled by order of co-signatory."
Frasier : Maris has cancelled your credit card.
Roz Doyle : Whoa, Merry Christmas!
Waitress : Would you care to use a different one?
Niles : There's no point, they're all in her name.
[dials his cell phone]
Niles : I'm calling her right now and demanding the restoration of my credit card, and my bank accounts...
[realizes the phone is dead]
Niles : And my phone service!
-
Niles : [Upon seeing Eddie dressed up as Santa] Dad, you have to get out more. You've started doing "old lady" things.
-
Niles : Frederick's first Christmas with you, I bet he has visions of sugar plums dancing in his head.
Dr. Frasier Crane : No, Lilith doesn't allow sweets, he probably has visions of bran.
-
Niles : [on Maris] I called this morning to arrange the delivery of her Christmas gift, and she said the only gift she'd accept from me was an abject apology.
Frasier : Going to cave into her, aren't you?
Niles : Au contraire. I told her I was not about to apologise, and from that point on, the respect in her voice came through loud and clear. No small feat, considering at the time she was speaking at the time through the hole in her massage table.
-
Frasier : So, Niles, did you have a discussion with Maris?
Niles : No, but I had an epiphany! I realised, cutting off my funds is Maris's way of saying, "I love you!"
[Frasier just stares at him]
Niles : She always uses money to get what she wants; ergo, this is proof she wants *me* back! What do you think?
[the robot Santa says "Ho Ho Ho!"]
Frasier : I think Santa's said it all for us.
-
Niles : [walks into Frasier's apartment and sees Martin's over-the-top Christmas decorations, Frasier looks at him] I know, I know, 'Shut up, you'll hurt his feelings'.
-
Dr. Frasier Crane : [begrudgingly] It's Christmas Eve, the presents I ordered are 3,000 miles away, my son will be here in an hour, and to top it all off, I have to go to a *mall*.
Niles : [the Santa Claus chuckles "Ho ho ho!", Frasier turns around and looks at Niles] Don't look at me,
[points to the Santa]
Niles : he said it, not me.
