Frasier (TV Series)
Hot Ticket (1998)
Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane
Photos
Quotes
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Frasier : Niles, there is another way.
Niles : You don't mean...
Frasier : Yes. I know it's a calculated risk. It is a little uncertain.
Niles : You can't be serious. It's unthinkable.
Frasier : Niles, what other choice do we have?
Niles : But the indignity, it reeks of desperation.
Martin : Now, now, before you do anything desperate, at least go stand in the cancellation line.
Niles : What did he think we were talking about?
-
[Daphne comes home and is furious to see Frasier opening her letter to her mother in Manchester]
Frasier : You don't understand. I just wanted to...
Daphne Moon : You just wanted to find out if I was gossiping about you to my mum. Well, fine! I was. A seventy-three year old woman in Manchester is about to find out that you dye the grey out of your temples. There, you happy?
Frasier : No, I am not happy, I am mortified!
[He looks down in shame... then raises his head]
Frasier : How did you know that? I keep my hair dye in the false bottom of my cuff-link box.
Daphne Moon : Yeah, well... I'll let it go this time.
[She flees to her bedroom]
Frasier : Oh, we haven't got time for this! We've to get down to that party!
Niles : I knew you were dyeing your hair.
Frasier : Shut up.
Niles : "No, no, really, it's just my new conditioner."
Frasier : Shut up!
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Niles : Dr. Mandell?
Dr. Rob Mandel : Oh, hi Niles.
Roz Doyle : You two know each other?
Dr. Rob Mandel : Sure. How's the teeth bleaching going?
Niles : [embarrassed] Fine, thanks.
Roz Doyle : Let's go, Rob. It's a long way to row C from the cancellation line.
Dr. Rob Mandel : Hang in there, guys. I wouldn't be surprised if you get lucky.
Niles : I'd be stupefied if you didn't.
[Rob and Roz exit]
Frasier : I knew you were bleaching them.
Niles : Oh...
Frasier : "No, really, I just changed toothpastes."
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[Frasier has just faked his way through a conversation with the play's star, who thanks him warmly for seeing his performance, before exiting]
Niles : Well, I'm sorry I deserted you, but obviously you carried the day, bravo!
Frasier : [disgusted] Oh yes, bravo for us!
Niles : [smile fades] What do you mean?
Frasier : Do you realize what we missed tonight? A potentially life-changing experience in the theater! And why? Because we were too embarrassed to be seen in a cancellation line.
Niles : Well, admittedly it was a bit shallow...
Frasier : Yes. It was more than shallow, it was shameful.
Niles : ...You're right. What were we thinking, kowtowing to a group of snobs like that?
Frasier : We weren't thinking. Come on, let's get out of here.
-
Frasier : [Frasier answers a phone call] Hello? Yes, I'll hold.
[to Niles]
Frasier : It's Cleo Fenwick.
Niles : Cleo Fenwick?
Frasier : Yes, you remember her, she's on the board of the theater. You've seen her: bad eye-job, dowager's hump you could cross the Sahara on.
[into phone]
Frasier : Hello, Cleo, you lovely thing. Uh-huh. Oh, well, you're a dear for trying. Thanks.
[He hangs up]
Frasier : Oh, don't despair Niles, I'm getting another call.
[into phone]
Frasier : Hello? Yes, Dora! Yes, uh-huh. Too bad. Well, thank you. Yeah, oh, that is a wonderful idea, yes I will! Thank you, bye-bye.
Niles : [He disconnects] She has a lead for us?
Frasier : Yes, she said I should call Cleo Fenwick.
-
Usher : Oh, I'm sorry sir, these aren't for this performance.
Niles : What?
Dr. Frasier Crane : What? But they say for the sixteenth, that's the sixteenth right there, that's today.
Usher : Yes sir, they were for the matinee.
Niles : Oh, no, no there has to be some mistake, let me just... Oh, dear God.
Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm so sorry, Niles.
Niles : Well, surely you must hold some tickets aside for emergencies. We'll take anything, anything at all.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, even mezzanine.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : Whatever you do, don't get specific about the play. That's the mistake you made last year when you lied about having seen "The Silent Echo." All that yammering about how the play had third act problems. It fooled no one.
Dr. Niles Crane : What makes you so sure?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, for starters, "The Silent Echo" doesn't have a third act!
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Frasier : Niles, will you just stop it? The dinner was just fine.
Niles : It was not fine. I made those reservations weeks ago. They seated us so close to the kitchen I'm surprised they didn't make us wear hair nets.
Frasier : I'm sure it was just a mix-up.
Niles : It's not a mix-up. It's part of an alarming trend I've noticed ever since Maris and I parted company.
Frasier : Oh, Niles...
Niles : Last week, Roberta Phipps snubbed me at the opera. I wasn't even invited to that gala fundrasier for St. Andrew's Orphanage!
Frasier : You can still send money to the children.
Niles : As usual, you've missed the point.
-
Frasier : Someone will call.
Niles : Well, someone better call. Because everyone who's anyone is seeing this play. And you know who you are if you're not anyone? You're *no one*. And I've been someone much too long to start being no one now!
Martin : [enters] Oh, hey. I thought no one was here.
[Niles seethes]
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [Frasier and Niles have been invited to a gathering, as a result of lying to get to meet an actor] Well, how's that for irony?
Dr. Niles Crane : Sunday brunch at the Kendalls'. An hour ago we would have leapt at that invitation.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Not anymore. We've got a damn sight too much integrity.
[They start to leave]
Dr. Frasier Crane : Although... Are we being selfish?
Dr. Niles Crane : Possibly. How?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Here's my thinking. Why do shallow people remain that way? The lack of positive influence.
Dr. Niles Crane : Perhaps our brand of integrity is just what that group needs.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes! We can be like those politicians who try to change the system from within.
Dr. Niles Crane : Exactly. And who knows? Maybe it'll rub off on Senator Logan, he'll bring it back with him to Washington.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well now we HAVE to go.
