- John Rajeski: How is Niles, anyway?
- Frasier: Ah, er... ah, he's abroad now.
- John Rajeski: Really? Whoa, that must have hurt.
- Frasier: You know, Lilith actually told me the other day that Frederick has taken to lying. Yes, he told all of his friends that Lilith is an alien.
- Martin: Seems as good an explanation as any!
- Frasier: He also told them that she wears her hair in a bun to hide the third eye in the back of her head.
- Roz: How did Lilith find out?
- Frasier: Well, apparently she was driving him and two of his friends to a Junior Mensa meeting, when she looked in the rearview mirror and saw that they were making faces at the other cars. So, never have the words "*I* can see you!" caused so much screaming and wetting of pants!
- Frasier: Is it always morally wrong to lie? We are taught that it is. But are there are certain occasions where a lie would be acceptable.
- Bulldog Briscoe: Yeah, like the lies you tell a chick in bed: "You're the best I've ever been with"; "Your thighs don't look that fat"; "Don't worry, I've had a vasectomy."
- Frasier: [Meeting Niles at the Cafe Nervosa and noticing they are wearing the exact same suit, shirt and tie] Oh dear God--it's finally happened. This is the thanks I get for introducing you to my personal shopper. I gave her specific instructions to write down every article of clothing that I had purchased so we could avoid this sort of calamity!