- Dr. Frasier Crane: At work today, I discovered an injurious graffito about me. Scrawled on the men's room wall.
- Dr. Niles Crane: No.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Frasier pulls a piece of toilet paper from his pocket to read from] Yes. Quote: "There once was a man, Frasier Crane, Who says he can feel your pain. But he acts like a snob, To the guys at his job, And I think he's totally lame."
- Dr. Niles Crane: That's terrible! There's a tense shift, an approximate rhyme, the scansion leaves a lot to be desired...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles, you're missing the point!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Jason, Noel... you there. Let me tell you a little something about a few things I don't like: Boxing for one. Sporting events of any kind. Barbecues, office parties, buddy movies. Any dish made with marshmallows. Things that I *do* like: the opera, the symphony, Elizabethan revenge dramas, et cetera.
- Roger: No, not a dump! Please, it's a secret underground landfill accessible only to garbage men. And the Mole People who live there. I used to be one of them, but then I decided to join the surface dwellers and find my queen.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles? Do you think I'm elitist?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Of course I do. You needn't worry about that.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, not in the good way.
- Martin Crane: [to Niles] Oh, look! A picture of you in your first Little League uniform.
- Daphne Moon: Was that your game face?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, no, no. I'd just lost a tooth to an errant pitch.
- Martin Crane: Tell her who pitchin'.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I was.
- Martin Crane: [looking at one of Niles' childhood drawings] What is this one supposed to be?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Oh! That is an Egyptian battle scene from "Aida." That's Radames and that's the jealous Amneris... Oh, I misspelled "Amonasro." Oh, to be six again.